Love is one such word or let’s say an emotion, which has been abused to the extent, that people use it to trap their prey in a cobweb of emotions.
Wherein, they feed them with the highly potent dewdrops of love, so they can psychologically manipulate their prey to stay in the cobweb.
Thereby, making them powerless, small and ugly. Since it makes the prey believe– that their partner or the manipulator will save them or will never leave them. Because they have accepted them as “they are”.
This further helps the manipulator to psychologically manipulate their partner, without the prey wanting to leave. Kind of similar to Stockholm syndrome, where the victim falls in love with the captor or abuser, not wanting to leave.
Also check out: A Stoic’s way to Self-Acceptance: Why it’s okay to be Different
This is 2020 love, and we see such love stories everywhere. Moreover, even the entertainment industry glorifies toxic relationships in the form of blockbuster films.
Although it’s a pleasant feeling to be in love with someone. But it is equally important to understand that loving someone isn’t a child’s play as it involves serious commitment.
Eventually, you’ll realise it could be one of the precious gifts that came as a surprise to you. Or could be a grave mistake, which could make you feel devastated for a long time.
Because the emotional ups and downs that come along with loving someone isn’t everybody’s cup of tea. Some lose their mind, while others simply move on from one partner to another.
The latter may seem to be enjoying but both suffer immeasurable in different ways, as both leave with deep emotional scars that are naked to the human eye.
This can be well summarised with these wise words by ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, “Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart, and the senses.”
Some of the hard truths you need to know before falling in love:
Entering into a relationship may seem simple, as most couples don’t think about whether they have the time, energy and patience to deal with one another.
Most people think it is love and affection, that is enough to make a relationship last long. But it takes more than that and you would know better. Since you live in the same society, where you often find couples falling in and out of love.
While others complain, that the love between the two has died or their love life has become boring.
Personally, I don’t levy much weightage to the death of love and love life becoming boring. Because nobody should be dependant on the other person to add colours in their life.
There is a quote by James Baldwain that I love, which says, “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
Needless to say, if you are expecting something from a person, sooner or later you are going to get hurt. Even if it’s expecting them to love you back just because– you are head over heels in love with them.
Therefore, you need to set healthy boundaries, so nobody can sabotage your mental health. Jumping in and out of relationships may seem harmless fun but it actually opens the door to psychological suffering.
You need to understand where there is love, there is vulnerability to pain:
Seeing a long term relationship being shredded into pieces is tormenting for all, especially for the couple.
And when a person finally realises, that their relationship isn’t going anywhere. No matter who is to blame or whose fault it is. They get hit by the fact, that they have given all their love and now nothing is left inside.
This further brings emptiness, followed by self-loathing and interrogating your demons about your self-worth or your value in someone’s life (curb your negative thoughts at this point).
What I as an individual would like to suggest is– always save a little love for yourself and maintain your self-respect.
Because this little spark of love will save you from falling into deep colossal waters. And will also help you to stand strong with your head held high.
Also check out: When a Person Leaves
Loving someone isn’t a child’s play and you must know this before you keep your heart at stake:
From afar, the idea of getting into a steady relationship may seem like a bed of roses. But in reality, it is a far fetched story and the aforementioned things are just the tip of the iceberg.
Since you have to invest your time, understand each other’s personality, likes, dislikes, fears, dreams, and inhibitions. Most importantly, you have to find the meaning in silence and the sadness hiding behind that miserable smile.
Also, you need to ask yourself can you two imagine a life together?
This is important because if you keep chasing one person after another. You will not only lose interest in everybody. But will never taste the essence of love.
And once you are deprived of it, you’ll understand, that you have always been tempted by the tempestuous flavours of the skin, and not by what lies underneath.
Since real beauty is soft, placid and sometimes unlikely. Just like the placid lotus that grows in muddy waters. It is something we aren’t offered on the palette, but we have to find it skin deep.
What you should keep in mind before committing:
Sometimes, the love that you often fail to find in others is the love that you refuse to give. If you are not content and happy with yourself. You will find it difficult to shower love on your significant other.
That being said, there’s no single definition of love. Each love is different, it is on you to define “yours”. If you know, that your relationship with someone won’t survive. Just don’t play around for fun because it’ll affect you two in the long run.
It takes two to clap. Therefore, when a relationship collapses, it leaves you with a hole. This void oftentimes gives birth to mental health issues such as depression.
So before you take a plunge into the sea of love and get ready to commit with someone. You need to understand that loving someone isn’t a child’s play. As it’ll take you through a roller coaster of emotions.
Sometimes things work, the other times they may not depending on the energy, vibe, and the compatibility between the two.
So if you are commitment-phobic or doesn’t want to settle with someone, then you must never give your word to someone, who envisions a future together.
By doing so, you’ll save that person from the hurt, emotional instability and the psychological trauma caused by you.
Similarly, if you are a dedicated person and want a healthy relationship to bloom between the two, then don’t waste your time on people who change their partners like everyday tees.
This is something that we see often. Wherein good guys and girls gravitate towards hollowed souls, thinking the goodness in them will change their partner.
And soon end up getting hurt, whilst knowing beforehand that they were going in the wrong lane. So if you are expecting a change of heart, you’ll be doomed for life. Because it only happens in mushy romantic movies and not in real life.
Quoting these lines of Karen Salmansohn, “Sometimes it’s better to end something and try to start something new than imprison yourself in hoping for the impossible.”
Why self talk is necessary before making a commitment:
Most people don’t initiate self-talk and just say yes! If you too are guilty of doing this, then you need to put a halt on that. Because the string of affairs will never stop and will bring havoc in your life.
It will either cause a mental breakdown or will make you numb for life. And every time you’d want to experience a new kind of love. You won’t get it because you’ve tasted too much of it, along with sour and bitter love too.
Don’t become a love diabetic and always think twice before committing with someone.
Best is to ask yourself, what do you want from this relationship and make efforts to decode your partner’s understanding of a healthy relationship.
Because if you are not a romantic person and your partner is into romantic love. Then some situations may arise, which’ll make you feel a bit comfortable. Since such a union will demand you to constantly bombard your partner with cues of love, which will be awkward for you.
You might feel that– your feelings towards your partner cannot be defined by a piece of article, on which several customers have run their fingers over. This resistance could invite drama and trouble. So better be late at love than hurry.
Likewise, if you are dating someone who doesn’t want to settle with you. But is merely hanging onto you because you won’t leave them, then you are in for a heavy blow, followed by episodes of depression and mental trauma.
Talk to yourself, as you are your own expert adviser. Also, don’t get fooled by your raging hormones, as they are going to befool you again and again.
Phew! I haven’t yet talked about the chaos created by social media in sabotaging relationships, and how to maintain a healthy relationship in this age. Will write about it in the next article.
Leaving you with these wise words written by writer, poet, and philosopher Kahlil Gibran, which you must read twice to understand the very essence of it.
“Love possesses not nor will it be possessed, for love is sufficient unto love.– Kahlil Gibran”
You may also like:
- Loners & Relationships: What Happens when Two Loners Fall in Love
- 10 Things Men want from Women but are too Stubborn to Ask for
- Loving a Lone Wolf: How to keep a Relationship on with a Loner
Let thy spirit be high in love. Namaste