You’ve decided you’ll do what it takes to make changes and build the confidence that’s been lacking in your life. After all, having self-confidence affects many areas of our lives, if not all. You look around and feel as though everyone in the world has self-confidence but you.
For most of us, lack of confidence comes from insecurities formed in childhood. I was born in an era where children were supposed to be seen and not heard.
A time when children were still being suppressed instead of encouraged. Typical child behavior was judged and criticized.
Emotional neglect and Harsh criticism from parents often results in low-self esteem and lack of confidence.
I grew up feeling everything I did or said was being judged and criticized by someone. I had many painful experiences as a result of this kind of programming.
In my early adulthood, I heard a phrase that stayed with me and became my mantra, “Run toward the roar of the lion.”
We want to run from fear, but if we move toward it, we come out on the other side with a newfound strength and confidence.
I’d run toward the roar, pushed through what was uncomfortable until it became comfortable. I still use this mantra every time I’m afraid to do something. I run toward the roar.
The real key to being confident is loving and accepting yourself. We are all enough just as we are.
All that matters is what we think of ourselves. What others think of us is just their opinion—it doesn’t make them right. It’s what we tell ourselves that others are saying about us, our critical voice that we’re hearing.
Deal with your shyness and self-consciousness head-on. If you won’t, you’ll continue feeling powerless. But know—you’re not alone in this. Many people suffer from lack of self-confidence.
I’ve heard stories from public speakers who are in high demand and are paid thousands of dollars for their speeches. Yet are terrified of facing the public, never feeling confident in delivering a compelling message.
I’ve known high profile businessmen who are brilliant on the job but have incredible social phobias.
I’ve heard stories about talented individuals who sabotaged opportunities because of their shyness and insecurities.
They pushed through their fear and became successful in spite of their insecurities and lack of confidence. So can you.
The one trait men are attracted to in a woman is her self-confidence. A confident woman is like a man-magnet.
A man’s radar will find a confident woman all the way across a crowded room.
But how do you go about becoming a man-magnet? You start by examining how you feel about yourself, and how you think you appear in the eyes of the others.
Here’s a quote by former first lady, Michelle Obama, which reads:
“Through my education, I didn’t just develop skills, I didn’t just develop the ability to learn, but I developed confidence.”
Now you know, what made Barack Obama, the first African-American President fall in love with Michelle. She is a living example of beauty with brains, who wears confidence as her badge.
Dive in to check out some helpful tips to boost your Self-Confidence and learn how to be Confident in your skin.
The image you’re projecting can either make you or break you. It’s sad that in today’s world the ideal of the body image is affecting so many men and women.
Ninety-one percent of all women are unhappy with some area of their bodies. Social pressures and the media have impacted how we see ourselves, and we feel we never measure up.
It holds us back not just from dating but from many other areas of our lives as well. So where do we start?
We’re going to start by creating a confidence foundation. Remember the formula? Decision, Plan, Action. Let’s use the same method in building back your self-confidence.
I’ve heard it all when it comes to reasons on— why women hold themselves back: “I have to lose these last five pounds! I don’t have clothes. My body is out of shape. I don’t know how to apply makeup. I don’t like my legs. My tummy is too big.”
These are the excuses women use to sabotage their desires. When you stop making excuses, you’ll start doing whatever it takes. You’ll step out of your comfort zone and do the challenging work.
If you are unhappy with your weight, it’s something you can change with a few lifestyle tweaks from Go Airfryer.
If you don’t feel you look your best, it’s something you can change. If you’re self-conscious about some physical deformity that you think you can’t change, think again.
What you can change is your mindset. Change the way you look at it and the meaning you’re giving it.
There is a phrase by Dr. Wayne Dyer I’m fond of: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
It changes the meaning we give to circumstances, people, and events in our lives.
I’ll share a story of a woman I’ve worked with who had skin cancer on her face. She was beautiful and quite vain. The surgery left a scar that was profoundly affecting how she saw herself.
She no longer felt pretty and thought that everybody who looked at her saw only her ugly scar.
In her mind, she magnified the scar and saw herself as disfigured. But under makeup the scar was almost invisible. Still, she’d always point it out to people. Their response was always the same: “Oh. I didn’t notice.”
I worked with her on how she saw her scar and what meaning she gave it. She had the scar because she had cancer.
She had cancer. She no longer has cancer. Cancer didn’t kill her. Instead, she kicked cancer’s ass. She won the battle she had with cancer.
The next time she felt she needed to point out her scar, she said: “See this? I kicked cancer’s ass.” Since she had changed the way she thought about her scar, it was no longer an issue.
Every time you say you want something or want to do something, pay attention to what you tell yourself about it.
“I’d like to start dating, but look at me— I’m overweight. What man would notice me and want to get to know me? My hair isn’t right, and I don’t feel beautiful.”
Every time you judge yourself, write it down or make a note of it. Get used to doing this.
Because once you get into the habit of listening to your self-talk. You’ll be well on your way at making significant changes in building your self-confidence.
Your demeaning self-talk is your excuses. Only you can change it—nobody can do it for you. A coach or a mentor can help you, but you’ll still have to do the work.
You’ve been moving toward your goal, and at some point you’ve stopped yourself. You can’t bring yourself to take the next step because you’re afraid to go forward.
Ask yourself, “Have you stopped because you don’t know how to do the next step? What is it? Is it something you have to learn before moving on?”
Whatever, the reason maybe, don’t let anything stop you. Find out where and how you can gain the knowledge, and go get it.
If you’re not afraid, you’re in your comfort zone.
If you’re scared of the next step, it’s the action that will take you out of your comfort zone. To make changes and to grow, we must learn how to break out into that which is uncomfortable.
It’s unfortunate that many people stop themselves. It keeps them from growing and living full lives. Don’t be one of them.
If you need help, seek help from a friend, a support group, or a coach. Help is available for every challenge we face.
I’ve worked with this particular woman intermittently for some years. She repeated her dating pattern over and over, and it never got her what she wanted.
She was in her forties, very attractive and very successful in her career. She’d been single for nearly twenty years. But wanted a lasting relationship and a man with whom she could share her life.
In the twenty years that I’d known her, I don’t recall a moment when she wasn’t in a relationship. She was in and out of them—that was her pattern. She chose poorly, and nothing ever worked for her.
Where she failed was in asking herself the hard questions early on. She lacked the confidence to bring herself to do it.
She was not ready to risk the answers she may have gotten. After several months into a relationship with someone she liked, she finally got the courage to ask that one hard question.
She has admitted she had a few drinks beforehand, but it gave her the courage she needed. Her pain became greater than her fear to ask the question.
She asked him where he thought their relationship was going. His answer devastated her. He reminded her that he told her in the very beginning that he wasn’t looking for a long-term relationship.
She didn’t hear it because she didn’t want to hear it. As a result of her denial she had led herself down the path of a heartbreak. But, from this painful experience, she learned the very lesson she needed to change her pattern with men.
She had a breakthrough. She had learned she could ask the difficult questions early on to spare herself the time wasted with the wrong person.
Are you ready to create your plan? If it’s about body image? What can you change? How do you change it? Will it be a diet? Exercise? Something else?
There are countless food programs, and eating plans for weight loss available. Research them and decide on the program you can fit into your lifestyle.
I’m a big proponent of skirts and heels because men are very attracted to a woman in a dress and heels. But most women can look great in stylish sporty clothes too.
Regardless of your size or age, in today’s world you can look great in sweat pants and well-fitting blue jeans.
I know many plus-size women who own their size and look fabulous. Because comfy clothes can be awfully cute too.
Every cosmetic counter in existence will apply makeup for you. As well as teach you how to do it, and provide all the right shades and colors.
If you want to try on makeup then you can by learning from YouTube tutorials.
So no more excuses about makeup. It’s time to take action. You’ve decided you’re going to do this.
You’ve created a plan, and now it’s time to implement your first confidence-building strategy.
It’ll change how you feel about yourself in ways you never imagined. You’ll see how very beautiful you are.
You’ll see yourself as a great catch for some very lucky guy, providing he plays his cards right. After all, you’re the prize.
“It is confidence in our bodies, minds, and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures.” – Oprah Winfrey
Remember, he’s the one applying for the important position in your life. Does he fit your standards? The final decision is always yours.
Author: Stella Bouldin
This post was last modified on July 26, 2020 3:09 pm
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