Toxic relationships can damage lives, as it changes the way you look at yourself, think and feel about you. It is one of the major contributing factor to stress, anxiety and depression, that people silently deal with. Since they fear disclosing their troubled relationship with their girlfriend, fiancé or spouse could make them an easy target for judgement, and speculation.
Hence people keep their excruciatingly disturbing and toxic relationship under the wraps, and put on a smiling face. They manage to hide their secret from the world but the scars left behind, keep reminding them of the troubled times.
Some people who have suffered immensely by the hands of abusive partners develop lifelong trauma, and trust issues because of emotional or physical abuse they had from their partner in a toxic relationship.
Here’s some lines on toxic relationships by Wall Street Journal and USA Today best-selling author Bryant McGill, which tells you about the ugly truth of toxic relationships, and how it makes you helpless.
“Toxic relationships are dangerous to your health; they will literally kill you. Stress shortens your lifespan. Even a broken heart can kill you. There is an undeniable mind-body connection. Your arguments and hateful talk can land you in the emergency room or in the morgue.
You were not meant to live in a fever of anxiety; screaming yourself hoarse in a frenzy of dreadful, panicked fight-or-flight that leaves you exhausted and numb with grief. You were not meant to live like animals tearing one another to shreds. Don’t turn your hair grey. Don’t carve a roadmap of pain into the sweet wrinkles on your face. Don’t lay in the quiet with your heart pounding like a trapped, frightened creature. For your own precious and beautiful life, and for those around you — seek help or get out before it is too late. This is your wake-up call!”
― Bryant McGill
So before it gets too late, recognise the signs of toxic relationship so you don’t tie the knot with an abuser. So dive below to know the 30 signs of toxic relationships, and how you can deal with it.
In a toxic relationship, your partner exercises full control over you, and doesn’t respect boundaries. He shows off you in front of his friends like his brand new car, and feels good about it without caring you aren’t comfortable about it.
At times you feel you are a trophy wife/girlfriend for him. Since there’s lack of mutual respect and love. You are always haunted by thoughts of getting replaced by someone else. Hence, you keep doing what he says to win his love and to keep this relationship alive.
If you can relate to this, then you are involved in a hollow toxic relationship.
Firstly, if someone is head over heels for your looks, your perfect skin, or your luscious locks, and doesn’t seem to care about knowing the person beneath it. Then, it’s a clear indication that it’s not love its mere attraction.
Sadly, such relationships take off well in the initial stages as women love compliments, and getting a daily dose of it from your partner works like wonders.
However, in the long run if that person doesn’t go beyond appearance and is uninterested in bonding then the relationship sinks. Because looks fade away with time and only the beauty of the heart stays. Then it takes a form of a typical toxic relationship.
So observe whether your partner is interested in knowing you on a deeper level. If he has nothing to say or feels that beauty is everything, then there’s a high probability that his eyes will stray on other women.
Notice how he behaves around your female friends. If he leaves you and forgets you when he meets other women, then watch out because he isn’t a keeper.
Then it’s a clear indication that she hasn’t gotten over him, and you are a medication for her broken heart syndrome. Such kind of relationships are emotionally abusive and surely become a toxic relationship. Because the abuser doesn’t notice or care about the emotional scars they are giving to their partner, and more so pretends like a victim.
Some people aren’t as vocal about relationship issues as others. They silently bear the harsh treatment, thinking that maybe they are wrong, and their love will change their partner’s thinking.
Therefore, you must speak instead of letting someone walk over your heart, take a strong stand for yourself.
Tell your partner that constantly talking and praising your ex is ruining your relationship. If she/he is concerned for you, she/he will understand and will stop oversharing or prioritizing her/his past. While an obsessed person who wishes to rebound will negatively respond to it.
Since we live in a tech-savvy world and are 24*7 connected with the world with the means of the internet. Therefore, many of us access social media to keep in touch which has become a major issue for couple fights.
As some couples have trust issues while others emotionally cheat their partner by flirting with random people online.
So if your partner threatens you to access all your passwords, and keeps checking all your social media accounts like a detective. Violates your right to privacy by making you swear in the name of love.
While he denies giving his own, gets angry or scared when you touch his phone. Then it’s a sign of an emotionally abusive, manipulative, and toxic relationship.
As the one who is scared of getting cheated is cheating behind your back, either virtually or physically. Hence, he fears the same could happen to him, and feels the need to check upon his partner.
Be honest and vocal about your issues and concern. If you feel your partner is checking upon you and gets irritated or threatened when you dare to the same. Then it means there’s trouble in paradise.
Such kind of toxic relationship takes a toll on a person’s mental health. As one constantly thinks why their partner isn’t conformable in doing — what they are asking for them.
Guilty philanderers often keep an eye on their partners to check whether they are being cheated on for two prime reasons:
Firstly, catching their partner red-handed they will get an opportunity to play victim. So they can blame their partner for persuading them to do the same in the name of bad karma.
Secondly, such kind of manipulative narcissists like to keep their partner as close because they feed on their energy, love, care and the attention they get. Which they know they wouldn’t get from others. Hence they target innocent, sensitive and morally strong individuals.
So if your partner constantly questions your purity of character, forces you to handle all your passwords, and denies doing the same. Then you’ve got your answer, why he feels threatened.
Don’t waste your time, as such people will manipulate you to make up with you. But the toxicity of the relationship will eat your soul and will cause severe trust issues.
You will always fear what he is doing behind your back, who he talks with which will lead to stress, anxiety, and self-hate.
There comes a phase in relationship, when you feel comfortable in shedding the layers of your personality. You don’t feel ashamed in talking about your insecurities, fears, and secrets that you never disclosed to anybody before.
Therefore, one doesn’t fear sharing their personal struggles with their partner, what you dislike about yourself, as they want to get such things out of their chest.
If your partner knows all this, and constantly demoralizes you rather than motivating you to fight your demons.
Keeps telling you that you are weak, and compares you with others, and tries to pull you down by making fun of your insecurities among friends and family. Then it’s a major sign that you are involved in a toxic relationship, which is taking a toll on your mental health.
Some people take the phrase everything is fair in love and war way too seriously. They believe that it’s okay to hit your partner, when she doesn’t fulfill your wish, and act on your commands.
Therefore, such people have no guilt for their abusive behaviour towards their partner. Moreover, they have no shame in admitting it. As they think they have infinite love in between and their partner should agree, follow their guidance, do what they want, and never say “NO.”
According to stats, women are more likely to suffer from physical abuse as in some culture, they are supposed to live by the rules set by the head of the family, which is usually a male. They have lesser rights, and fear raising their voice in a male dominated society.
Whereas in all toxic relationships emotional abuse is common and it won’t be wrong to say, that emotional abusers get away easily, when they do the most damage to a person.
Truth about toxic relationship that you must accept, “Never let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you know don’t belong with.” ~ Anonymous
Having empathy for all is a sign of an emotionally intelligent person, someone who feels the pain of others and is sensitive to emotions. This is what made you lose a heartbeat for her.
However, with time you learned that the one you love is a narcissist, who only sensitizes and feels bad for herself.
She becomes hypersensitive for smallest things said and done. On the contrary, does great harm, and crushes your self-esteem.
She seems to be solely concerned about things pertaining to her interest and issues revolving around her. But has a nonchalant attitude when you express your concern for things that trouble you.
Making your partner aware of her insensitive behaviour towards you can help her in realizing her mistake, which is pushing you away.
Whereas a selfish and self-centered person will never accept even if it tears the relationship apart. Putting an end to such kind of toxic relationships feels like an emotional release. Because then you don’t expect good behaviour or wait for change that you know won’t ever occur.
Flirty men are smooth talkers, they’ll give you the best reasons for their over-friendly behaviour, and will bounce back to you for attention, love, and care.
They’ll display their love for you by chasing you and making rigorous efforts to reach you, even if you don’t wish to talk further. But will never mend their way, and will cheat you behind your back.
Such kind of people hate when you correct them for their behaviour, and call you old-fashioned. Moreover, they themselves dislike your closeness with your male friends. If you are in such a relationship, then it’s a prime toxic relationship sign.
Stop blaming yourself or your friends for his indecency, and wrap this up. Because being in a relationship with such a man will only diminish your self-worth, will cause you heartbreaks and pain.
You aren’t sure whether he wants to be with you or not, and make desperate attempts to keep him in your life.
He has serious commitment issues, dislikes taking responsibility, and wants complete autonomy and freedom in relationship. This is why he comes and leaves every now and then.
You are tolerating him because you fear that having a serious conversation about his ghosting habits would make him leave you, and he’ll never come back. This has devastated you because you feel confused, numb, and unsure about your relationship with him. This is a prime sign of a toxic relationship and you have to be vocal about it.
A relationship takes form of a toxic relationship if your partner lies to you, and sometimes manages to get away with it because she knows what works on you. Is a player, likes to deceive, and always manages to trap you in her charms.
She keeps track of your activities, is secretive, and gets aggressive when you find out something. She manipulates you, and plays victim when you put the facts straight up.
“Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.” George K. Simon Jr., In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
Manipulation can be in the form of physical abuse or threats, verbal put-downs or name calling, which is a manipulator’s way to guilt you into doing what they want. Here are some tips to deal with manipulators.
You feel alone in this relationship because your partner doesn’t lend any support, and leaves your hand when you need him the most.
He isn’t understanding, lacks empathy, is emotionally blunt and rude to you. You feel betrayed because this isn’t something you settled for, and you feel that he isn’t the same person you fell in love with.
Such cold treatment makes you feel like, you are an emotional fool for being madly and deeply in love with him.
Expectation hurts, especially from the one you have connected with on a deeper level. If you feel your person is awesome, and this is something that can be forgiven. Then you must aim to be emotionally independent, and rely on yourself for making big decisions in life.
So you can cherish your bond with your person, otherwise individually thinking of this problem will make you resent.
However, if things aren’t going well in your haven then, and your instincts tell you that he is a runner who runs away when problems hit the shore. Then just give up on him, and be free from such a selfish and toxic relationship.
When the person you trust the most betrays you by using your fears to mentally dismantle you, then it’s a warning sign of a toxic relationship.
Since that person knows you skin deep, she knows all your weak points, and how to use them to manipulate you to stay in an abusive union.
Such people use the hot and cold treatment, where the abuser uses anger, and affection to control you. They appreciate you when you do something they like, and can be extremely aggressive when you don’t abide by their rules.
Abusers and bullies work on your fears. Once you stop telling them you fear something, aren’t afraid of something they know, and don’t mind if they tell others about it, they lose power over you.
However, when your fear includes threats to family, friends, or sharing your data with someone. Then don’t succumb to the pressure, and inform someone from your family or Police about this. By doing so, you will save others from getting trapped by such abusers.
If your partner is a bully in disguise and knows what triggers you, still does it every time to make you powerless, then stop giving him your reaction. Because bullies need attention, and your reaction motivates them to carry on their play.
One of the major reasons why victims stay with their abusers is— they make them believe they aren’t special, or are capable of making decisions or living on their own terms. They tear their confidence, and make you believe— that nobody will understand their problems like they do, and you won’t find a better suitor than him.
This kind of emotional trap is used by emotional abusers to make you believe, you need them, and are dependent on them. If you are trapped in such kind of toxic relationship then you need to walk out asap.
Leave, run and find yourself, build a personality apart from him, rub off, and scrape the former identity that was scrubbed onto you by your toxic partner.
Has serious issues with your past relationship, doesn’t directly tell you that, but his behaviour and sudden outbursts prove it.
He is passive-aggressive, constantly criticizes and blames you for your failed relationship, sees you with disgust, and has difficulty in accepting you wholeheartedly.
The person you love is way too interested in getting his sexual fantasies fulfilled than anything else. If you two plan, talk or get a few hours to spend with each other, he only and always prioritizes sex over bonding.
He never thinks of taking you out on a date or doing something, that brings you two closer not just in bed but in each other’s heart and mind.
When you raise your concern about this, he tells you that it is an integral part of life, and ends the discussion. Is pushy about it even when you don’t want to, which makes you think that it’s lust than love.
Never makes the same efforts for spending quality time with you, or doing something that you would like taking you out for a movie or walk.
You feel there’s no emotional connection only physical, and you feel wasted, or more like a toy than a living human with emotional cravings. Then it’s a sure shot one of the biggest toxic relationship signs.
Don’t submit yourself to anybody by being easy, as some people can take you for granted. Build a connection, see if he values you as a person, respects your boundaries, and more so you as a person.
If you feel from the very start that he doesn’t have much of a personality and only talks about sex. Cracks silly double meaning jokes having sexual content, and dislikes when you talk about yourself or on other things. Then it’s a red flag that he isn’t into you but sex, and is only sexually attracted towards you.
If you feel uncomfortable with his plans that always end up in sexual intercourse and feel guilty, because there’s no exchange of words before, after, or on phone. Then it is one of the major toxic relationship signs, where you are the submissive one, and he is the dominant one.
You might feel that you are being exploited and can develop self-hate. Therefore, its best to end such a toxic relationship. Where you feel like your dignity is at stake, and you are not being loved for who you are as a person.
By giving in to the demands of such a person, you’ll miss the opportunity of finding the one, who will love the different shades of your personality.
Your significant other keeps an eye on your activities, has a tight grip over your movement, and tells you who you can talk to and who you shouldn’t.
Doesn’t approve going anywhere without him even in the company of your friends and family. Has issues with what you wear even when you are fully covered, isn’t supportive for your career related decisions.
Gets mad and throws tantrums, when you dare to do something on your own without taking his approval. If these are the issues that are causing turbulence in your relationship. Then watch out as it is one of the biggest toxic relationship signs that you mustn’t ignore.
Always set boundaries in your relationship, speak when you feel your partner is trying to dominate you. You don’t have to agree with him to prove your love for him. As it will only encourage a control freak to exert more dominance on you.
Those who are submissive are most likely to be mistreated by controlling partners, because they don’t voice their opinions or speak for themselves. If you need to say yes to everything he says to make him happy then watch out as it’s a toxic relationship.
Define your goals and priorities so he doesn’t feel threatened by it. If he has a bad temper, and is abusive when you don’t do what he says, then this is the final nail in the coffin. Don’t wait for him to change as it will only get worse and get out of such a toxic relationship.
Medical magazines cites that, “Relationship conflict and stress have also been shown to have a clear negative impact on health, affecting blood pressure, contributing to heart disease, and correlating with other conditions.”
They stop taking care of themselves like they used to, because they no longer feel good about themselves and some develop self-hate. Which could be because of the negative below the belt remarks on their work, personality, or looks by their own partner.
This not only breaks someone’s self-esteem but also causes deep emotional scars from within. This is why some people don’t feel the need to take care of their body and mind, as they lose their connection with themselves.
If you always feel low in energy, have severe headaches, mood swings, and deal with chronic stress and anxiety due to relationship issues, then it’s a sure sign you are in a toxic relationship.
It isn’t uncommon for people to bottle up their stress, and avoid discussing issues with their partner. As they know what kind of response they’d be getting, which is why such people deal with chronic anxiety, and give up on self-care. So..
This is one of the early toxic relationship signs that you mustn’t ignore. If you feel that your partner doesn’t like you to speak, talk or see your family and friends, and make sure that she keeps you to herself.
Gets baffled seeing you on good terms with your loved ones, and only wishes to reserve your attention solely to her. Then it means your partner is self-obsessed, is way too possessive, and thinks of you as her priced possession.
Many people like this because they assume it’s a sign of true love. Sad to burst the myth but it isn’t.
This kind of behaviour is observed in energy vampires, who suck the life and energy out of you, by being totally dependant on you for care, and getting their needs fulfilled.
They bring drama wherever they go, which makes you their victim. You are so much troubled and occupied in drama and fights, that you don’t realise that— you are getting away from your loves ones.
Sometimes when people are deeply in love, they forget everything and surrender themselves to their partner. When they don’t receive the same amount of love and care from their partner. They regret losing the old relationships they built in life.
So don’t undermine your loved ones and balance it out. Because if your relationship will fail, then nobody will be by your side. And you’ll definitely regret the drama you caused amongst your family, friends, and well-wishers just to prove them wrong.
Always respect the people you have in life. If you are an introvert like me then make sure your relationship doesn’t weaken the connection that you have with yourself, and it doesn’t alienates you from your own true “self.” Since it’s a wake-up call that your toxic relationship is destructing your sanctuary of peace.
Check out: How to keep a Relationship on with a Loner
You lose focus easily because your mind is busy recalling mean comments, that she hurled at you last night. You cannot concentrate on your work and leave your task in the middle. Because of anxiousness that arise due to unresolved fights and misunderstandings.
You don’t have the same zeal and enthusiasm to perform daily tasks, study, or work. Because of the negative emotions, and thoughts related to the future of your relationship.
You’ve noticed that your partner uses threats of violence or self-harm to get away from problems. Whenever you try to confront him for his mistakes, find him guilty, and demand an explanation, he scares you by his disturbing acts.
He tells you that he can’t control himself. As he fears that you will leave him, which makes him want to hurt and injure himself. Therefore, you fear getting away from him even when you want to. If you are dealing with such an issue, then this is one of the severe toxic relationship signs that you need to fix asap.
Observe whether your partner is scaring you by putting on an act or he is serious. Sometimes manipulative partners use such mind tricks to get away from a situation.
If your partner has severe anger management problems, and has a history of self-injury or mental illness like Bipolar Disorder, where people do self-harm to deal with negative emotions. Then you must take it seriously, and inform his family or friends so gets medical help.
In such case, don’t fight and blame your partner as it will persuade him to injure or wound himself. During such episodes of mania try to calm him down by telling him you are there for him.
If you two keep putting an end to your relationship and after a week, month or year get back together only to end it again, and keep following the same old pattern.
Since you know you aren’t compatible with your partner and have no emotional, physical, or intellectual compatibility. You fights are longer than your conversations, and breakups happen every other day. Don’t misinterpret such kind of craziness as love because it is a sign of a toxic relationship.
What you can do about it:
Walk away from such a toxic relationship because this emotional tug of war between you and your partner will only disturb your mental peace.
Some people have major trust issues it could be because of dealing with a cheating partner in the past, having a bad childhood with abusive parents. Or being surrounded by friends, and family where drama, and philandering is common.
On the contrary some people, who themselves have a habit of cheating also check up on their partners. As they are highly sensitive when it comes to them. They understand that it leaves deep scars but do it regardless. This is a sign of a toxic relationship.
Hence they expect their partner to prove them and show their loyalty towards them.
“Cheaters always want you to be loyal while they are being unfaithful.”
When you have to prove your loyalty again and again, it means that your relationship lacks trust, or your partner doesn’t have an ounce of faith in yourself or himself.
Sometimes talk therapy works but most of the time, a person with low self-esteem or lack of confidence fails to develop trust in their partner. So you don’t indulge in self-loathing because it’s their problem, that they need to work on.
You feel that all the love and work always come from your side, and if you stop putting efforts your relationship will tumble like a house of cards. Because your beloved only cares about getting her needs fulfilled, and is unappreciative of your love.
When fights occur you are the one who always comes forward to say sorry even when it’s her fault, takes initiative to resolve the issue without your partner’s cooperation.
At times you feel you are alone in this relationship because your partner only cares about herself, and ignores your deteriorating mental health. If you can relate to it then it’s one of the tell-tale signs that you are in a toxic relationship.
Sometimes being readily available, doing more than expected, making all the efforts, being the pleaser makes you the soft-target of narcissists, who emotionally abuse their victims.
“Narcissists are consumed with maintaining a shallow false self to others. They’re emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention” ~ Shannon L. Alder
Don’t give too much attention to such people, shift your priority, and slowly move away, as it might get ugly at first. Because when narcissists lose control over their prey, they can stoop down to be the worse version of themselves.
They can be violent, threaten or manipulate you just to keep themselves hooked onto you, so they can suck your energy. Don’t be afraid of the change, and pull yourself out of this toxic relationship.
No matter how much you try to repair the lost connection or fights, but you find yourself coming on square one. Because things are the same after two days of rainbows. You try to make rigorous efforts to make it work, to ignore talking about things he dislikes or gets offended by.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t cooperate with you, and you feel you are alone in this battle, which makes you feel exhausted. Instead, he feels you are over-reacting and is unbothered by the clamour, while you are struggling to breathe.
Attachment hurts and pinches badly, when the one you are emotionally attached with doesn’t value you. If you feel you have done everything that you could do, and there’s nothing left in your heart to give it away.
You no longer feel happy about the small things that made you warm in your heart, then you are experiencing emotional burnt which a by-product of a toxic relationship.
What you can do about it:
Find your groove back by stop hammering your mind by thinking about him or the future of your relationship. Because when love is mutual there’s no need to chase it, keeping someone in your mind, who doesn’t care about it will only cause you trouble.
Take your power back by emptying your mind of his thoughts. Because cutting ties physically doesn’t help when you are mentally attached to that person. So wash away his memories and thoughts by mentally and emotionally detaching from him. If it doesn’t work out walk away from such a toxic relationship without any regrets.
Some people have a high sense of self-importance which crumbles down their relationship. Such kind of people deal with ego issues, like to be admired, and cannot hear a word against them. Relationship with any narcissist will sooner or later become a toxic relationship.
“Narcissists think that they deserve to be with other people who are special, and that special people are the only ones who can appreciate them fully,” says Nedra Glover Tawwab, LCSW, founder of Kaleidoscope Counseling in Charlotte, North Carolina.
Quick look at some of the traits of Narcissists:
Don’t be shocked when your narcissist partner dismisses your victories, get salty over your achievement, and shrink your morale if they find you doing better than them. Because expecting to be treated fairly, when you are in a toxic relationship with a narcissist will only make it worse.
Narcissists have attention-seeking behaviour, and they do so by acting out, or fighting on unnecessary things. Don’t bear their drama for attention, and never accept their mistakes as yours. Raise your voice against things that you feel are wrong on their part, keeping it inside will lead to a toxic relationship.
Correct them and don’t accept being treated unfairly, because narcissists are full of themselves. They don’t feel sorry when they hurt others. If you continue to bear it, they’ll use you as a punching bag.
Don’t feed words like, “I can’t live without you or I need you,” because by saying so, you are giving your power to that person. When a narcissist starts thinking of you as theirs, they will abuse you, and will make you believe— you are the crazy one, who needs help. Watch out for such kind of a toxic relationship.
Narcissists are self-centered. They feel that their problems and issues are bigger than yours. If you start being a problem solver for them, they will leech on your energy and will start blaming you for their troubles. So don’t hop into their self-created mess, and work on your life instead.
“Narcissists use other people — people who are typically highly empathic — to supply their sense of self-worth, and make them feel powerful. But because of their low self-esteem, their egos can be slighted very easily, which increases their need for compliments,” adds Shirin Peykar, LMFT.
It eventually becomes a toxic relationship, if your partner always talks negatively about you, keeps taunting you, and always blames you for everything that has gone wrong in your relationship. She demoralizes you, talks ill about your work/career.
Dislikes when you voice your opinions, and you two can’t agree on anything. Doesn’t get tired of criticizing you, and looks at your mistakes with a magnifying glass.
When you two are in the same room, you feel negativity surfacing out of him. It makes you anxious and irritated, because you know something negative will soon pop out of his mouth.
Nobody wishes to spend their life with a critic as there are many of it. We need motivators, people with whom we can celebrate our smallest victories with pride.
If you cannot have a heart to heart conversation with your partner, it will become a toxic relationship. Because you fear that he will say something bad about you, or will criticize you and blame you for your problems.
During times of distress, you feel terribly alone and unhappy. Because you cannot express yourself freely even when you have someone in your life, who you think should understand you.
If you have checked mark on all these points, then you need to take strong steps as these are major toxic relationship signs.
Toxic communication is a serious problem which is one of the major reasons for fallout in relationships or a relationship taking form of a toxic relationship. If you two can’t have a pleasant exchange of words without fighting, then you are wasting your time.
No matter what you do and try, it’ll never work because your personalities collide with each other. As there’s no chemistry in between, and don’t ever try to force one.
Letting toxic people go is not an act of cruelty. It’s an act of self care.Advertisement
You have started to realise that whenever you have a rift in between, your partner behaves disturbingly, heaves and constantly blabbers like a child to avoid resolving the issues.
When you try to calm him down, he gets mad at you and brings up others to solve your relationship issues without having your consent.
Such people can go to extreme lengths to avoid facing their demons.
Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl G. Jung said, “People will do anything. No matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.”
Such people have little understanding of “self.” They have problems in expressing or dealing with situations for which they come with excuses like:
When the same kind of behaviour carries every time, it creates a lot of burden on the one who is putting up with such a person. Because all the responsibility for making up, calming your partner, trying to reach out, and clearing doubts falls on one person.
Since your partner isn’t ready to accept the problem, and wants to get out of the situation by acting out. This kind of erratic behaviour is a sign, that you are in a toxic relationship with an emotionally unintelligent person.
What you can do about it:
Involving others in fights only worsens the situation because people are judgmental, they go where they feel it’s safe, and quickly take side.
If he troubles your family with problems related to your relationship, accuses you in front of his friends, and wants everybody to know what’s going wrong in your relationship, then it’s a toxic relationship. If your partner backs off when problems arise then he isn’t a keeper, and you should call it off.
“When you notice someone does something toxic the first time, don’t wait for the second time before you address it or cut them off. Many survivors are used to the “wait and see” tactic which only leaves them vulnerable to a second attack. As your boundaries get stronger, the wait time gets shorter. You never have justify your intuition.”
― Shahida Arabi
Your relationship with your partner is making you sick to the bones. You feel like you are being tossed like tissue paper, used and thrown away like garbage. Your partner has sucked life out of you, have painted a false image of theirs in your head, and you have been betrayed, and let down multiple times.
The love that you felt, and memories that you built together were an illusion, and you showered unconditional love on someone, who wasn’t even sure about you.
You feel like a loser, and stupid for trusting someone like that, and feel sorry for yourself. The hopelessness, shame, and guilt is eating you and you feel like it was your fault.
The negative voices in your mind is cursing you, killing you, and telling you that you are worthless, unloved, and ugly. Sometimes it gets so lonely and dark in your head that you feel, life will never treat you well, and nothing good will ever happen to you.
You have suicidal thoughts all the time, and you have started thinking that your existence will be a good riddance. As nobody cares about you, and nobody cares whether you are alive or dead.
How to curb negative thoughts that arise when you are in a toxic relationship:
If you experiencing this then it’s not healthy, and you should immediately end this toxic relationship. It will hurt you but eventually you will get your life back together.
Shed the dead leaves, and make a fresh start, delete everything that reminds you of the abuse you faced. Turn off your social media, and try to find hope in small things because it isn’t the end.
For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen:
a gaseous nebula must collapse.
This is not your destruction.
This is your birth.~ Noor Tagouri
We all hide our demons inside, and it only takes one person to bring it out and make it perform like a circus. Such people extract your goodness, spit it out, and walk over your heart.
They will target you for all their problems, will always put you down, and are ungrateful for the things you did for them. They will cross their limits and will hit you where it hurts the most.
If your partner keeps provoking you, so you can be act out of aggression and do something weird. So he can target you, and make you the bad guy in the story, then act coy to gain sympathy. Then it’s a trap if you don’t get out of this kind of toxic relationship, you’ll keep falling for it again and again.
“Stay away from lazy parasites, who perch on you just to satisfy their needs, they do not come to alleviate your burdens, hence, their mission is to distract, detract and extract, and make you live in abject poverty.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson
Money can change how people treat you and it’s true even in the case of relationships. Sometimes people don’t love you, but they think of your wealth as power and prestige.
Hence they stick to you for financial gain. Because you buy the most expensive gifts for your her, and can give her things that she could only imagine. Thereby, making her Insta life true with you.
You don’t mind gifting expensive things but off lately, you have started to observe, that she gets mad when you don’t buy her the things she wants. She doesn’t appreciate personalised gifts like a home-cooked meal, or time you spend with her, and only values how much you are willing to spend for her.
Thus, making it evident that your partner is with only for monetary gain, and she doesn’t love, and only consider you are her money-making industry.
Another thing to notice is that your partner keeps a tight grip on your money, and gets mad when you spent it without telling him. He keeps an account of your expenses while he spends your money lavishly. He keeps asking for your pins and never spends a penny on you or the dates you plan together.
What you can do about such toxic relationship:
Money doesn’t equals love, so get past this relationship, and find someone who loves your company, and not your money.
“Greedy people are never satisfied that they have enough. They’re like sharks that spend their entire life hunting and consuming. All the oceans in the world can’t satisfy these eating machines.”
― Frank Sonnenberg
“Money is a god whose religion is greed.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo
Avoiding your partner, feeling disturbed by their presence in your life and mind, when you wish to be with them is a major sign that your partner has an avoidant personality, and dealing with such people can be a mental challenge.
As such personalities go to the extreme length to avoid others, and have walls built in their mind even for the one they love.
They like being loved but dislike sharing intimate feelings with their partner, they have problem in making decisions, have extreme self-consciousness, and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation.
Such people misinterpret neutral situations as negative, which can cause communication gap, and misunderstandings in your relationship.
People with an avoidant personality can be extremely dull and dry. They can isolate themselves or be aggressive after emotionally connecting with their partner for a couple of days. As they experience a downward spiral in emotions, which can make you feel helpless, scared and exhausted.
This is one of the most important and foremost sign of a toxic relationship, which you shouldn’t ignore at any cost.
Such people don’t know what to do with their emotions, they deal with emotional instability, have poor social skills which makes it difficult for them to correctly analyse situations.
They avoid problems, and even their relationship and wish to get away from it even when they have kindled one.
Childhood neglect, narcissism, and not understanding yourself could be another reason for causing behaviour. Other times it just means— I only want the good parts of a relationship and don’t want to deal with problems.
Keeping false hope, and stretching such a toxic relationship with an avoidant can severely damage your mental health because you have to constantly dealing with his mood swings.
However if your partner agrees to take small steps in overcoming problems, listens to good advice or seeks help, then there’s a possibility that things could work fine between you two.
Let thy spirit be high in love. Namaste