12 Important Life Lessons to Learn from Failed Relationships

When you have placed all your faith in a person, moving on, and letting go can be difficult because deep inside you still have hope. But when the flame of hope extinguishes because the person on the other end, isn’t trying enough to change the direction of the wind. Then you have to accept what’s happening, and you need to stop wasting your time, and energy on the wrong person.

The more we fight with the universe to hold on to things, and people that aren’t meant for us, the more we are punished for it. Therefore it’s wise to close some doors, not because of pride or arrogance, but simply because they no longer serve the purpose.

A failed relationship isn’t a certificate for your character. So shift your energy from what all has been said, and done, and try to look at the bigger, brighter picture. Learn what your failed relationship has taught you, so you can accept life with all its rosy, and roughed-up days.

If you are still living in the past, and are giving yourself a hard time, then you need to read this. As it will help you to heal, and make peace with the past.

10 Important Life Lessons to Learn from Failed Relationships

1. It introduces us to a side of ours, we weren’t aware of:

Parting ways can be tough, as it makes you question about everything. And mostly those questions are negative like—

  • Will I be able to find true love ever, do I even deserve it?
  • Did he leave me because I am not attractive?
  • Did she broke up with me because I am not rich, and
  • Did he ever love me or it was just a fling?

Though such questions may sound silly or even suggest a self-centric attitude. But turning inside, and asking difficult questions from yourself, that you usually run from will teach you a lot about yourself. 

As it makes you aware of your own self, whether you have low self-esteem issues, or are an anxious-avoidant, a controlling overly-attached person, or an energy vampire looking for suitable prey.

A failed relationship can bring you closer to your real personality by exposing the side of yours, that was hidden. Be grateful for the experience, and try to become a better version of yourself by working on the issues, that was the main cause of the separation.

2. Emotional Maturity is important for sustaining a healthy relationship:

A failed relationship can be a reminder that you aren’t ready for a relationship, and lack the maturity to carry on a healthy relationship.

If you are someone whose relationship has failed due to your erratic behaviour and attitude, and now its causing havoc on your mental health. Then you need to fix these issues first instead of jumping onto another relationship.

Strive tohave a relationship that’s mature enough to sit down, and be like– “look, this is our problem and this is how we’re gonna fix it.” Because emotional maturity is important for sustaining a healthy relationship.

After having a failed relationship, if you continue to give back love instead of seeking vengeance, then it’s a mark of your emotional intelligence. 

3. You learn that you can be a Victim or a Victimizer, and Sometimes both:

We all seem to believe in the same big lie that we are saints, and can never do anything wrong. Believe it or not many among us can’t even accept the fact, that we are capable of hurting others.

When our partner breaks the ice, and shoves the ugly truth down our throat. We quickly deny it, and take it on our ego. While those with a victim mentality think— only they can get hurt because they are sensitive, and innocent beings, who are incapable of hurting others.

But when you are in a relationship, this kind of behaviour gets ridiculed every time. Those who don’t mend their ways are left to their disposal.

When the relationship fails, they sooner or later understand that, we as humans are capable of being a victim or a victimiser, and sometimes both. So when your partner shows you the mirror, don’t run from it, and try to change it.

Also read: How to become a Confident Woman + 10 Tips to Boost your Confidence

4. You learn to Forgive:

Betrayal hurts, especially if it comes from someone, who you trust the most. As its heart breaking to see your love being tossed over, and recycled to the other person.

Once the trust is lost, it’s irreversible, and one realizes that inviting that person in your life is a sheer waste of time. Because you don’t want to burn yourself in the same flame twice.

“When a deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive.~ Alan Paton”

You learn that sometimes things don’t work, like you thought they would. Which gives you the strength to relinquish all the negative thoughts, that coerce you towards seeking vengeance.

Hence, you forgive that person, because you don’t want to scrape old wounds, by giving your power to one who betrayed you.

5. You learn that Sometimes a Failed relationship is a Release:

A failed relationship can be a release for someone, who has borne the brunt of a toxic relationship or marriage.

Some people are trapped in toxic relationships, their circumstances forbid them to speak up, and take help. It happens due to a plethora of reasons, from getting a bad rep in society, to fearing that you, and your kids will be harmed.

Once they free themselves from the clutches of their abusive partner, they cannot thank the universe enough. This particular quote from Deborah Reber’s book, ‘Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul’ perfectly sums it up.

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

Also read: How to achieve Solitude in a World full of Clamour

6. It’s never too Late to make a Fresh Start:

Getting into a relationship doesn’t guarantee unconditional love, and sometimes things go horribly wrong between the couple. So much so, that no matter how much the couple tries to resolve their issues all their efforts go in vain.

As one amongst them has realized that, they are not getting valued or respected in this relationship, and their partner is inflicting serious injuries in the name of love.

Living with an abuser is difficult as they manipulate you into believing— this is the kind of love you are made for. Therefore, when a person part ways with an abuser, they learn that it’s never too late to make a fresh start. As it’s one of the most liberating things to do.

They no longer wish to be associated with their past, as now they are free to do what they want, and not what’s demanded from them.

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7. You learn how to Master the Chaos:

When a relationship collapses. It gives you an insight about how modern day relationships work, and how much efforts it takes to sail relationship. 

The complications involved and common problems, that occur when two different person from different background, and upbringing decide to be together. 

So use this learning and take cautions when needed, because one failed relationship doesn’t define your fate. 
Sometimes it’s better to be rational in love than being overtly emotional, which only makes you a puppet of your emotions. 

8. You learn, Why Self-love is Important in Love:

If anything a failed relationship teaches us the most is– to love yourself so you can appreciate the unconditional love you are getting in return.

If you learn to accept your individuality, and are confident, and happy with the way you are. Only then you will be able to accept, and appreciate other’s individual essence, and won’t be afraid to take the leap of love.

If not, then you will deny yourself, the opportunity to experience something beautiful and truly magical, that we call love.

Here’s what Maya Angelou said on Self-love:

“I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves and tell me, ‘I love you.’ … There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”― Maya Angelou

9. You learn that You can be Alone, and Happy:

The after-effects of a breakup are worse, because you get used to being around that person. You miss the conversations, and the precious moments you exchanged with one another. Suddenly everything becomes so surreal, and you go into retrospect even without trying.

You remember all the good moments that you shared with your partner, and feel like calling, or picking up the call to start it afresh.

This impulsive behaviour is quickly taken under consideration by your rational mind, which understands it never worked this way. This stops you from dialling the number, and you learn so many important lessons from loneliness, that you wouldn’t have learned otherwise.

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This period of isolation helps you to realise, that you don’t need to be dependent on anybody for your happiness, or blame them for your misery.

Living alone, and being on your own doesn’t mean that— you dislike people, or are arrogant. Being alone can be a choice or a sign of strength. Those who choose to be alone, understand you can be alone, and happy.

The Sufi mystic, Rumi understood it long ago, hence he wrote….

“Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you.” – Rumi

Also read: Loving a Lone Wolf– How to keep a Relationship on with a Loner

10. You learn about the Universe’s Plan for You:

A failed relationship can make you hopeless, and you start questioning the universe— Why did it happen to you? And what is the universe’s plan for you.

After rolling deep into the pit of dark thoughts, you learn that you are still invested in the event that has expired, and now only the remnants of it are left, as memory.

Years later, when you look back, you realise how— good and bad events were inter-connected with each other. You thank the universe for what has happened, and because of that synchronicity of events, you are at a good place in life.

With this, your journey to self-discovery begins, and you understand that— you can never reverse the past. And a failed relationship can be a sign that, the universe has other plans for you.

So its better to accept the bad times with a positive outlook. Since it helps you to recover from the wound, and see, what the world has to offer you.

Check out: 10 Best Spiritual Songs to Kick start Your day with Positivity

11. You learn how to Reinvent yourself, pick the Pieces up and Evolve:

Watching a relationship fall apart hurts the most, it causes injuries that are invisible to the eyes. It usually begins with negative thinking, and transcends into deep hatred for oneself. Thus, leading to mental turmoil, because we keep blaming ourselves for our failed relationship.

With time you learn to accept that, you have to become strong enough to let go of your precious gift. Taking this courageous step in life, helps you to move forward with dignity, and respect.

You no longer focus on— what you cannot change, and instead choose to reinvent yourself. As quoted by Eckhart Tolle—

“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”

12. You learn to Trust Love one more Time:

Don’t be that person who says, I have made a mistake, and now I am living with the consequences. Remember that one failed relationship doesn’t define your future.

So don’t deny yourself of happiness because fear is temporary and regret is forever. Trust love one more time because oftentimes, good things take time, and true love is always worth the wait.

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 “None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.” ― Paulo CoelhoBrida

Let thy spirit be high in love, Namaste.

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Pragati Chauhan

I am a soulful woman who loves to conjure up my thoughts and write. I thoroughly enjoy creating art and expressing myself through words. I believe words have a certain kind of melody that can be understood by everybody.

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  • Good words, Pragati! My own understanding of love was never fully grounded until I entered into a relationship with my Creator. God's love underpins every other relationship I have, especially the one I have with myself.

    • Thank you, sir. Your sincerity and love for God comes beautifully together in your writing as well.

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