Being rejected in love feels like a total knockout, as many associate it with their self-esteem which has been crushed by the hands of the one they dearly love. Though rejection hurts because one wants to be accepted, and loved by the person they are interested in. However, it is our responsibility to take control of our emotions without intending to harm anyone.
Having the courage to accept, and respect the decision of the person you like will help you to channelise your energy in the right direction. It will also save you from the embarrassment that you have to deal with after doing something stupid while getting rejected by someone you love.
In today’s piece, we will discuss how different personalities respond to rejection in love, how it impacts their life, and mental health. What you should do if you are bad at dealing with rejection in love, or resort to addiction after you have been turned down by someone.
Studies suggest that Rejection can be Painful:
University of Michigan study of Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) scans found that rejection actually activates the same parts of our brain as physical pain does.
This suggests an evolutionary advantage to experiencing rejection as pain, according to Guy Winch, psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts.
“This phenomenon is a legacy of our hunter-gatherer past, when we lived in nomadic tribes,” Winch says. Back when a person couldn’t survive alone without their tribe, “rejection served as an early warning system that alerted us we were in danger of being ostracized—of being ‘voted off the island’.”
“Those who experienced rejection as more painful paid more attention to correcting their behavior than those who didn’t,” Winch continues. Thus, they were able to stay in the fold and protect their lives (and those of their future progeny). “Over many generations, experiencing rejection as painful had a survival advantage, and our brains became wired with this default response.”
Usually, there are three main responses to Rejection in Love, Relationship, Society, or at Home:
- Either you mishandle the situation and make things worse, or
- You accept that different people have different liking and taste when it comes to companionship, or
- You just don’t care a bit, and start looking for other potential partners to date.
- Needless to say that if you fall in the third category you don’t need to delve deeper into this.
However, if you can relate to the first one, then you know how mishandling rejection in love can do to your mental health. Let’s have an in-depth analysis of this situation, and deal with rejection in love like a mature individual without making a fool out of yourself.
How different Personalities respond to Rejection:
People’s response to rejection is based on their sense of self, and what they feed into it, what they think they are inside their mind.
Some like to believe they as the epitome of perfection. They think they are flawless, an ideal partner and fit, because they feel they don’t have any bad quality to pick on. Their exaggerated sense of self makes it difficult for them to accept rejection in love.
As they cannot wrap up their thoughts that somebody has rejected them. Since they were the one to reject others, and dealing with such embarrassment wasn’t something they thought they would experience.
Hence, they overreact and try to divert the attention towards them by chasing that person to forcefully make them understand their importance. Since their only aim is to get the response they were aiming at in the first place.
Some even go to the extreme length by self-harming themselves to get sympathy vote from the person they love, or by emotionally or physically abusing that person.
People who don’t take rejection in a sporting way often spread rumors about the one who rejected them, and keep tab of their life by discussing, and wanting to get information about them. By doing so they not only waste their time, and energy on a futile task, but also create a bad rapport of themselves amongst their peers.
On the other hand, some constantly criticize themselves for not meeting the requirements of the person, they were once interested in.
Such people start sabotaging themselves by thinking of all the negative things, they can think about themselves from their nature, looks, to their background, social status, career, and life.
Which they conclude by making themselves believe, they are good for nothing, and are a loser, or a complete failure at life. Hence, they have been rejected, and will experience the same, if they ever try to ignite their interest in someone.
Such self-depreciating thoughts makes it difficult for them to pursue, the one they love and admire. They develop self-hate for themselves, and the person they once were madly and deeply in love with. By doing so, they not only give away their mental peace but corrupt their mind with negative thinking.
Here’s how you can deal with Rejection in Love like a mature Individual:
Accept the Decision even when its Tough:
Respect what the person on the other end wants to convey, and accept their decision, even when it is difficult for you to accept a straight “NO.” Since you cannot undo someone’s feelings.
Take the answer in a good stride, eventually you’ll notice— that you haven’t lost anything but have learned new things about yourself. Since you start observing yourself and others, and what matters to you, and what qualities you admire, and want in your future partner.
In short, a simple no, or denial in love teaches you a lot about yourself, and about people, and life in general.
When you accept things, you open your heart for new experiences, and enjoy life as it is without caring about trivial things.
Sometimes getting a no also works in favour, especially when that person proves to be a terrible partner to the one they were engaged with. And you thank lord that, they didn’t choose you!
If someone’s Rude to you, you don’t need to Stoop to their Level:
If you have had a bad experience with someone, who was too harsh with their reply, then you need to shrug it off. Taking someone’s negative commentary on you way too seriously, or their overtly animated behaviour, and rude answer doesn’t mean— what they said is true.
It only proves they are too full of themselves, and you shouldn’t put much thought into their words. Since there are people who lack empathy, and are obsessed with their self.
Therefore, they don’t mind putting others down, or crushing their self-esteem by negatively commenting on someone’s look, the way they talk, and their overall personality.
Such people usually feel that being pretty is a privilege. Hence, they think, they have the liberty to say anything to anybody. So don’t take the absurd remarks of negative Nancy’s way too seriously.
Getting rejected by someone you love can make you feel down in the dumps, and you might have several questions hitting in your mind, which you didn’t have the courage to ask.
Accepting that we all have different taste, and idea of love upon which we give preference to our potential partners will help you understand the situation better.
So stay calm, and don’t do something crazy that proves you are a nightmare to be with. Or project your anger in a way that harms or threatens the other person for his/her life.
Don’t get Inspired from Movies:
Don’t try to imitate anybody to impress the one you love, or get inspired by romantic movies that portray physical and emotional abuse as romantic. Since it’s inappropriate, and sends a wrong message to society.
Here are some cliché things that movies romanticize about rejection in love, which you should definitely avoid:
- Taking a clear No for Yes, and rigorously chasing that person, because you saw some actress in movie enjoying the chase after which she happily said yes.
- Only in movies, you’ll find that women get impressed when you follow them like a creep to her college, work or home, and drive past her to literally try to ram her.
- How can we forget the abuse, and mental harassment incurred by the male actor, as a challenge to break the ego of the female, after which she experiences a change of heart that she desperately wants to be with him.
- Don’t take inspiration from toxic relationships romanticized in movies because it will make you come across as a wannabe, immature and stupid.
Give time to yourself to Process the feelings:
Instead of acting up, and blaming yourself or the person, you have been turned down by. Try to understand the situation, and also observe how quickly you reacted to it. Because the quicker you are with your response, there’s more probability that you might have misinterpreted the situation.
So don’t be a puppet to your emotions by turning a blind eye on the situation, and hold yourself back from throwing a fit of rage at that person. Sit quietly and contemplate on what all happened, this will help you to evaluate the situation better.
“Accept the fact that you’re a human being with emotions and allow time to feel what you’re feeling,” says Dr. Pam Garcy, psychologist and certified life coach. “There’s an expression that ‘the easiest way out is through.’ Sometimes allowing yourself to have your feelings leads them to slowly reduce in intensity.”
Here’s a quote by Oprah Winfrey that’ll inspire you not to settle for anything lest its love:
“I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me.” ― Oprah Winfrey
Don’t do something Stupid because your Toxic friends said so:
Don’t lend an ear to so called friends, who try to provoke you to do things that are borderline crazy. Or instigate you to harm someone because they turned you down, and chose somebody else over you.
Sometimes toxic friends make it seem like everything is about ego, respect, and power, and they keep insinuating you to fight for it.
If you have friends who push your buttons to bring out the worst in you, especially when you face rejection in love and relationships. Then you need to get yourself out from such crazy and toxic friendships, that you have kindled with them.
Having a sound and clear mind will help you to deal with the situation with patience. So get rid of toxic friendships, and empty your mind from dull thoughts that are forced upon you by others. As they cause negative emotions to surge, thereby resulting in stress and anxiety.
Understand that Love will never Prosper where there’s Fear:
Love doesn’t exist alongside fear and pressure. It only thrives when there are mutual feelings of respect, care, and affection for the other individual, that you are willing to lend space to them in your mind.
“Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear.”~ Albert Camus
Therefore, coercing someone into loving you, when they have turned your proposal down is not something a person of value would do. So instead of chasing someone who can’t stand you, set them free, and allow yourself the opportunity to be lucky at love.
Start working on Self-development because its the Perfect time to do so:
Always learn from your past mistakes whether you have ruined an opportunity before, or have shocked someone with your outrageous response to a clear ‘No!”
According to psychologist and relationship expert, Nicole McCance heartbreaks can be devastating as physical injury. So use the pain to your advantage, as it’s the best time and opportunity to kick-start your personal development.
Be constructive with your criticism, and give special attention to the parts of you, which need to be worked upon, whether it’s about losing weight to get into shape. Or about trickling self-love to boost your self-esteem, so you can realise your self-worth, and be happy with yourself and your life.
Remind yourself that it’s Temporary:
Whenever you feel rejected and dejected in love and life, remind yourself that what you are going through is temporary, and you will get over it.
“Everything passes. Joy. Pain. The moment of triumph; the sigh of despair. Nothing lasts forever – not even this.”― Paul Stewart
Reminding yourself that such feelings are temporary will help you to grieve, and release those pent up emotions, which will help you to overcome the situation.
Say No to your Inner Critic:
Just pull over the inner critic and hush it because this is the time, when our inner critic rises from sleep to crumble our self-esteem. So tone down the negative voices by reminding yourself that, “You are strong and wonderful, and deserve to be treated well.”
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
Shift your Perspective:
When handling a bad rejection in love, don’t overthink about it, and the best thing to do is to catch up with your friends, go outside, and roll the dice. Shift your perspective as it will help you to deal with your emotions in a healthy way.
If the rejection you faced has shrunk your self-esteem, then you need to elevate it by reminding yourself of every little victory, that you have had over your fears. Be optimistic and focus on what you have now, as it will help you to deal with the current loss.
Make a list of what makes you happy, and indulge in it. Get back on the hobby you liked immersing yourself in from time to time.
“The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence; the past is a place of learning, not a place of living.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
Creative ways to Cope with the Pain of rejection in Love:
Whether you are a teenager or an adult you’ll face rejection in love multiple times in life, and sometimes by your partner who has been with you for many years. Because couple fights can sometimes turn into cold wars where they try to ignore each other, and withdraw themselves from doing things they enjoyed doing together. Therefore you need alms to combat the situation.
So here are a few creative ways to deal with rejection in love:
- Before we get into this, we need to embrace the rejection in love because it will make us emotionally and mentally strong. So the next time anybody rejects us, we won’t be fighting with ourselves for not being good enough.
- Now we will start pampering us, and giving us some shots of self-love. Why? Because we need to build up that battered self-esteem.
- It might sound silly but taking a long shower helps in uplifting our mood. So apply your favourite face-mask, and gently cleanse your body, while singing your favourite song even when you don’t know its lyrics.
- Revamp your playlist, get rid of those sadistic breakup songs, add some peppy songs instead. Groove on your favourite songs that make you wanna throw your hands up in the air and dance like crazy.
- Do something to keep yourself busy. You can clean your room, or try your hand at writing poetry or an essay, or complete that DIY project you watched on YouTube, and wanted to try out yourself.
- Binge watch your favourite series, documentaries or cook your favourite meal, and treat your jaded taste buds with some tantalising appetizers.
- If you have a cute furry little friend like me, then give your little pet some nice belly rubs, caress your little one in your arms to pour the love, you haven’t shared with anyone yet.
- Go on a walk, take pleasure in doing things alone, partake in outdoor activity, and applaud yourself for doing better than you were doing before.
Be grateful for the Experience, and say Thank you, next:
When you start feeling better, don’t forget to count your blessings, and also appreciate the relationship that you have with your family and friends. Feel grateful for the experience you had no matter how sour, and be thankful for the lesson it taught you.
“Take responsibility of your own happiness, never put it in other people’s hands.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
At last close the door of your room, and play the empowering Ariana Grande, and Lizzo anthems to make you feel good about yourself.
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Let thy spirit be high in love. Namaste