Not gonna lie long distance relationship or relationships in general demand rigorous efforts. It is a continuous process, where your actions matter a lot.
Some believe, when love knocks your door everything becomes magical and beautiful. To be honest, although it’s a great advertisement of love. But there are slim chances of getting this kind of whimsical love.
Wherein in the real world, people are good, bad, easy to handle, difficult to get, and sometimes full of themselves. You think of a personality and it exists in this world. Therefore, many of us keep finding for that perfect love, and cancel all the boxes where you could potentially find the one.
In this mad rush, we forget that we keep blaming others when the problem could exist in us. Maybe we are not cooperating, or our personality isn’t meant for being in such kind of setup.
Wherein you constantly feel that your emotional quotient doesn’t get fulfilled in the given circumstances. Hence the fight.
Due to the tender moments of love exchanged in the initial stages, one gets addicted to it. With time the attachment also grows which makes someone feel in deep waters.
As neither of them wants to put to an end to their relationship but finds the situation going out of hand. Since their ego makes it difficult for them to make things work, and to stop sabotaging their relationship.
Therefore, arguments, fights, and turbulent emotions involved make them feel— they are trapped in their present situation. Where they no longer cherish the bond, they initially developed.
Here I am talking about when two different personalities stick together in a long distance relationship. And keep hammering each other’s heads for not getting their emotional requirements met.
The question arises– What really defines whether someone can sustain a long distance relationship or not? Whether someone can handle the delicate thread of love of a long distance relationship.
As many don’t have the patience to carry forward a long distance relationship, and later move on without giving a closure.
Therefore, instead of hurting someone, and denying someone the opportunity of giving an answer for this abrupt ending. You should know whether you are ready for a long distance relationship or not.
To know this, get hooked on to this article which will take you to the highs, lows, and emotional complexities involved in a long distance relationship.
You’ll also learn about personalities that don’t cooperate in a long distance set up. Which will help you to figure out whether you should take the leap of faith or not.
This a golden rule, always talk more and speak less when you are starting a relationship. This not only helps you to hear more from that person. But it also gives you several cues like:
The crux of it is, the more you’ll know that person before riding the caravan of love, the more info you’ll collect about that person.
Everything you two will talk about, and the thoughts conveyed will give you a slight idea of “Where you are in this relationship.” Because the unspoken truth is that we all like to be valued, and treated with love and care.
Therefore, don’t rush into a long distance set up before knowing someone. As it can damage your mental health because once you are into it, and you feel cheated then things can be difficult.
Some couples are polar opposite in terms of emotional needs or expectations.
When such contrasting personalities decide to be together, especially in a long-distance setup. Where they cannot meet, see and hear the pitch of voice used to express their present state of mind.
Some misunderstanding is bound to happen with time, and phone calls don’t resolve such queries. It only adds fuel to the fire.
Unless you both decide to listen to each other and work on your relationship. Or one amongst you decides to develop more acceptance for the other person’s behaviour. This brings calmness and you start becoming emotionally independent.
In order to sustain a long distance relationship. You need to understand your emotional needs, and whether your expectations meet with your significant other.
If you are short-tempered and you can’t control the way you behave when you are angry, upset, or aggravated. Then you should definitely work on your anger issues otherwise it will tear your relationship apart.
Trying to be dominant, repeatedly correcting your partner for little things, and reacting angrily over call can give mental stress to someone, who is sitting miles away from you.
Therefore, you must resolve your anger issues before committing yourself to a long distance relationship.
Chinese Philosopher Confucius beautifully quoted, “When anger arises, think of the consequences.”
Findings published in Nature Communications indicated that, larger negative emotion vocabularies are associated with more psychological distress and poorer physical health. While the opposite of it is true for positive emotion vocabularies.
“Often it’s not we who shape words, but the words we use that shape us.”— Nina George, The Little Paris Bookshop
Just a kind reminder for a better mental health is to use your words effectively.
The grass always looks greener on the other side, and many of us only see that green side. We put a blindfold on our eyes, either we don’t look or ignore— what lies on the other side. Therefore, we keep comparing our life and situations with others.
Especially when we see we are not in a traditional setup, like in a long distance relationship, where you are not physically present with your partner.
Therefore, constantly comparing your relationship and situations with other couples won’t do any justice.
So before jumping into a long distance relationship. You both must enquire yourselves, and even have an open conversation about, “What do you prioritise more physical intimacy or mental intimacy?”
I personally find this quote quite interesting—
“There’s nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood. And understanding someone else.”― Brad Meltzer, The Inner Circle
If you are someone who lacks patience and is either in a long distance relationship or is planning to be in one. Then you should either develop patience or try to step down from your high horse.
Because time and tide, you’ll have to work with patience. Since there will be times when your partner won’t be able to call, meet, or connect with you physically or virtually.
You have to accept the fact, that your beloved won’t be there during your important milestones in life, like:
During such crucial times, you need to work with patience and understand your beau’s situation instead of ranting.
“That’s how you know you love someone, I guess, when you can’t experience anything without wishing the other person were there to see it, too.” – Kaui Hart Hemmings, The Descendants
I think we all feel so when we are swooned by love. But when that person is in your heart, the distance doesn’t matter. Because his beautiful presence lingers in your mind. Thereby reminding you of how powerful your union is.
If you are in a long distance relationship and you get to meet your partner more than 5 times a year then consider yourself as lucky.
Because many long distance couples would be on cloud nine if they get the same opportunity.
Now you may wonder how things work between such couples. It is because of the simple fact that they happily cherish each other’s presence even from afar, and feel grateful for it.
In a long distance relationship sometimes you may not hear from your beloved for days due to the work, difference in time/day etc.
If you keep screwing your partner’s mind by threatening him to call asap else you’ll walk away, or ganging up with your friends. And making that person like he is responsible for ruining your life. Then your relationship can take a wrong turn.
Your partner may understand your situation, but if you keep bombarding questions like—“When will we lead a normal life, Why can’t we be like other couples or What am I getting from this relationship?”
Though understandable that in an emotional state people say such things. However, if the person on the receiving end gets to hear the same questions every then, it will only result in fights.
Therefore, is you are someone who isn’t comfortable in meeting, and seeing your partner less then this isn’t for you. As it’ll only give you anxiety, and stress and will encourage more fights.
If you have a gut feeling that the person you are planning to commit with isn’t honest and you have a solid reasoning for it. Then have an honest conversation about it with your potential partner and clear your doubts.
Since avoiding the red flags can make you feel whether you are going in for love or its just infatuation, where you want to be with that person for momentarily satisfaction.
If you miss the signs and hop into the relationship, then you might regret later. Especially when you have put all your heart and soul into it.
So if you have sensed there’s something wrong, and cannot trust your partner then abort the mission asap.
One of the most important things that a long distance relationship demand is good flow communication between the couple.
This means that long distance couples should make the best possible ways of expressing themselves through different communication channels.
If you are someone who has trouble expressing yourself or feel like it’s unnecessary to convey your feelings to your loved one, then things can be tough. Because there comes a point when a person needs emotional support.
And if you don’t say anything then that silence could be interpreted in many ways. Couples who have poor communication end up their relationship and term it as boredom.
The reason behind this isn’t boredom but the miscommunication, which arises when either of the two have divergent personalities. One is quieter than the other or when one doesn’t know how to put forth their feelings.
So there’s good news for introverted peeps who enjoy being alone. Because there’s a higher probability that they can handle a long distance relationship and make it work.
Since they don’t need others to make them feel better, and can positively channelise their emotions to be productive.
I’d like to share this quote by Lana Del Rey which fellow introverts can relate to:
“When you’re an introvert like me and you’ve been lonely for a while, and then you find someone who understands you, you become really attached to them. It’s a real release.”
Let thy spirit be high in love. Namaste