Not gonna lie long distance relationship or relationships in general demand rigorous efforts. It is a continuous process, where your actions matter a lot.
Some believe, when love knocks your door everything becomes magical and beautiful. To be honest, although it’s a great advertisement of love. But there are slim chances of getting this kind of whimsical love.
Wherein in the real world, people are good, bad, easy to handle, difficult to get, and sometimes full of themselves. You think of a personality and it exists in this world. Therefore, many of us keep finding for that perfect love, and cancel all the boxes where you could potentially find the one.
Relationships be it Short or Long Distance Relationship both demand Honest efforts:
In this mad rush, we forget that we keep blaming others when the problem could exist in us. Maybe we are not cooperating, or our personality isn’t meant for being in such kind of setup.
Wherein you constantly feel that your emotional quotient doesn’t get fulfilled in the given circumstances. Hence the fight.
Due to the tender moments of love exchanged in the initial stages, one gets addicted to it. With time the attachment also grows which makes someone feel in deep waters.
As neither of them wants to put to an end to their relationship but finds the situation going out of hand. Since their ego makes it difficult for them to make things work, and to stop sabotaging their relationship.
Therefore, arguments, fights, and turbulent emotions involved make them feel— they are trapped in their present situation. Where they no longer cherish the bond, they initially developed.
Here I am talking about when two different personalities stick together in a long distance relationship. And keep hammering each other’s heads for not getting their emotional requirements met.
How to know Whether you can Handle a Long Distance Relationship:
The question arises– What really defines whether someone can sustain a long distance relationship or not? Whether someone can handle the delicate thread of love of a long distance relationship.
As many don’t have the patience to carry forward a long distance relationship, and later move on without giving a closure.
Therefore, instead of hurting someone, and denying someone the opportunity of giving an answer for this abrupt ending. You should know whether you are ready for a long distance relationship or not.
To know this, get hooked on to this article which will take you to the highs, lows, and emotional complexities involved in a long distance relationship.
You’ll also learn about personalities that don’t cooperate in a long distance set up. Which will help you to figure out whether you should take the leap of faith or not.
Know If You can Handle a Long Distance Relationship + Tips for Handling a Long Distance Relationship
1. Know your partner well before diving into a Long Distance Setup:
This a golden rule, always talk more and speak less when you are starting a relationship. This not only helps you to hear more from that person. But it also gives you several cues like:
- You get to know about that person’s personality,
- Whether that person is carrying emotional baggage from past,
- What are his/her emotional expectations,
- Things he/she like or doesn’t like, your differences/similarities, etc.
- Does that person like you or is only lusting for you.
The crux of it is, the more you’ll know that person before riding the caravan of love, the more info you’ll collect about that person.
Everything you two will talk about, and the thoughts conveyed will give you a slight idea of “Where you are in this relationship.” Because the unspoken truth is that we all like to be valued, and treated with love and care.
Therefore, don’t rush into a long distance set up before knowing someone. As it can damage your mental health because once you are into it, and you feel cheated then things can be difficult.
2. Understand your Emotional Requirements & Expectations before saying Yes to Long Distance Romance:
Some couples are polar opposite in terms of emotional needs or expectations.
- For example, one could crave more alone time than the other,
- Doesn’t need to communicate daily to keep that bond secure and likes to keep things to himself.
- Whereas the other enjoys getting attention,
- likes to share everything and finds happiness in expressing.
When such contrasting personalities decide to be together, especially in a long-distance setup. Where they cannot meet, see and hear the pitch of voice used to express their present state of mind.
Some misunderstanding is bound to happen with time, and phone calls don’t resolve such queries. It only adds fuel to the fire.
Unless you both decide to listen to each other and work on your relationship. Or one amongst you decides to develop more acceptance for the other person’s behaviour. This brings calmness and you start becoming emotionally independent.
In order to sustain a long distance relationship. You need to understand your emotional needs, and whether your expectations meet with your significant other.
3. Anger issues in a Long Distance Relationship can lead towards a Dead end:
If you are short-tempered and you can’t control the way you behave when you are angry, upset, or aggravated. Then you should definitely work on your anger issues otherwise it will tear your relationship apart.
Trying to be dominant, repeatedly correcting your partner for little things, and reacting angrily over call can give mental stress to someone, who is sitting miles away from you.
Therefore, you must resolve your anger issues before committing yourself to a long distance relationship.
Chinese Philosopher Confucius beautifully quoted, “When anger arises, think of the consequences.”
What you can do to Manage your Anger and Stress in a Long Distance Relationship:
- Make a pact that nobody will fight on issues related to past, or continuously talk about negative things related to each other.
- Don’t talk when you are in a bad mood.
- Don’t bring others in between to resolve your matter because this adds more drama and you’ll definitely regret it later.
- Choose your words wisely, don’t use abusive language because if you start degrading your reputation nobody will take your words seriously.
- Don’t make harsh and insensitive comments during fights. Because fights are temporary but words aren’t, they leave a long lasting impression.
- Sometimes you don’t know how much it takes to fight your own thoughts. Be kind to each other and have empathy for all.
Findings published in Nature Communications indicated that, larger negative emotion vocabularies are associated with more psychological distress and poorer physical health. While the opposite of it is true for positive emotion vocabularies.
“Often it’s not we who shape words, but the words we use that shape us.”— Nina George, The Little Paris Bookshop
Just a kind reminder for a better mental health is to use your words effectively.
4. Enquire yourself Whether you give more Preference to Physical Intimacy or Mental intimacy:
The grass always looks greener on the other side, and many of us only see that green side. We put a blindfold on our eyes, either we don’t look or ignore— what lies on the other side. Therefore, we keep comparing our life and situations with others.
Especially when we see we are not in a traditional setup, like in a long distance relationship, where you are not physically present with your partner.
Therefore, constantly comparing your relationship and situations with other couples won’t do any justice.
So before jumping into a long distance relationship. You both must enquire yourselves, and even have an open conversation about, “What do you prioritise more physical intimacy or mental intimacy?”
Why this question is Important for you Two:
- By self-contemplating on this question, you will understand— whether you want to invest your energy in it or not.
- You’ll get to know whether you are ready for sharing and catering to you and your partner’s emotional needs. Since it takes time, and efforts.
- If your answer is no, then you are definitely not looking for a relationship, and you mustn’t indulge in one.
I personally find this quote quite interesting—
“There’s nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood. And understanding someone else.”― Brad Meltzer, The Inner Circle
5. Do you have Patience because Sometimes fights don’t have an Expiry date in a Long Distance Relationship:
If you are someone who lacks patience and is either in a long distance relationship or is planning to be in one. Then you should either develop patience or try to step down from your high horse.
Because time and tide, you’ll have to work with patience. Since there will be times when your partner won’t be able to call, meet, or connect with you physically or virtually.
You have to accept the fact, that your beloved won’t be there during your important milestones in life, like:
- Getting a promotion, celebrating anniversary/birthdays together,
- And not being there to console you in your bad times.
- Or worse not being physically present to resolve an issue or fight.
What can You do in such Situation:
During such crucial times, you need to work with patience and understand your beau’s situation instead of ranting.
“That’s how you know you love someone, I guess, when you can’t experience anything without wishing the other person were there to see it, too.” – Kaui Hart Hemmings, The Descendants
I think we all feel so when we are swooned by love. But when that person is in your heart, the distance doesn’t matter. Because his beautiful presence lingers in your mind. Thereby reminding you of how powerful your union is.
6. If you are Someone who isn’t Okay with Meeting & Seeing less, then this Isn’t for You:
If you are in a long distance relationship and you get to meet your partner more than 5 times a year then consider yourself as lucky.
Because many long distance couples would be on cloud nine if they get the same opportunity.
Now you may wonder how things work between such couples. It is because of the simple fact that they happily cherish each other’s presence even from afar, and feel grateful for it.
Understanding is the Key, being Impulsive & Comparing your Situation with others will only Worsen the Situation:
In a long distance relationship sometimes you may not hear from your beloved for days due to the work, difference in time/day etc.
If you keep screwing your partner’s mind by threatening him to call asap else you’ll walk away, or ganging up with your friends. And making that person like he is responsible for ruining your life. Then your relationship can take a wrong turn.
Your partner may understand your situation, but if you keep bombarding questions like—“When will we lead a normal life, Why can’t we be like other couples or What am I getting from this relationship?”
Though understandable that in an emotional state people say such things. However, if the person on the receiving end gets to hear the same questions every then, it will only result in fights.
Therefore, is you are someone who isn’t comfortable in meeting, and seeing your partner less then this isn’t for you. As it’ll only give you anxiety, and stress and will encourage more fights.
7. If you already have Trust Issues in between, then abort the Mission as soon as Possible, know Why:
If you have a gut feeling that the person you are planning to commit with isn’t honest and you have a solid reasoning for it. Then have an honest conversation about it with your potential partner and clear your doubts.
Since avoiding the red flags can make you feel whether you are going in for love or its just infatuation, where you want to be with that person for momentarily satisfaction.
If you miss the signs and hop into the relationship, then you might regret later. Especially when you have put all your heart and soul into it.
So if you have sensed there’s something wrong, and cannot trust your partner then abort the mission asap.
8. Learn how to Express through different Mediums otherwise it’ll be Difficult to survive in a Long Distance Set up:
One of the most important things that a long distance relationship demand is good flow communication between the couple.
This means that long distance couples should make the best possible ways of expressing themselves through different communication channels.
If you are someone who has trouble expressing yourself or feel like it’s unnecessary to convey your feelings to your loved one, then things can be tough. Because there comes a point when a person needs emotional support.
And if you don’t say anything then that silence could be interpreted in many ways. Couples who have poor communication end up their relationship and term it as boredom.
The reason behind this isn’t boredom but the miscommunication, which arises when either of the two have divergent personalities. One is quieter than the other or when one doesn’t know how to put forth their feelings.
How to make Things work when you are in a Long Distance Relationship and Don’t know how to Express:
- Be honest and tell your partner that you have trouble expressing how you feel. This will help your significant other to be more patient with you and not to have any prejudice for you.
- Try to express in a creative way. If you have trouble in verbally expressing yourself then use different modes to express like by writing, sending thoughts, songs and pictures.
- Don’t be aggressive if you can’t handle the situation or comfort your partner. Try to remain calm and listen. Because most of the times being a silent supporter and listener works well than babbling words.
- If you are quite introverted and don’t like talking over the phone/making video calls, then find someone who is on the same page. Because in a long distance romance people crave interaction.
- Honestly don’t stick around with a judgemental narcissist who constantly demeans you for being yourself. All your efforts will fail and it’ll severely affect your mental health.
- It’s always better to stay single than to be strangled in an abusive relationship.
9. If you enjoy being Alone and are Emotionally Independent, then chances are you can ace a Long-Distance Romance:
So there’s good news for introverted peeps who enjoy being alone. Because there’s a higher probability that they can handle a long distance relationship and make it work.
Since they don’t need others to make them feel better, and can positively channelise their emotions to be productive.
The potential reasons why Introverts can handle Long Distance Relationships well:
- Such kind of personalities are emotionally independent. They don’t reach out to others for making themselves feel better.
- They talk less, which means they don’t express much about what is going on in their day to day life. So when they do, their partner pays more attention towards them, and they feel listened to.
- A person who enjoys his/her company won’t consider the distance as a barrier between their relationship.
- As they like spending time alone, and don’t enter into relationships easily. So physical distance doesn’t bother them.
- Such people don’t seek attention, aren’t dramatic and don’t get influenced by what others do or say. Which means external factors like rumours, and flattery won’t affect them and their relationship.
I’d like to share this quote by Lana Del Rey which fellow introverts can relate to:
“When you’re an introvert like me and you’ve been lonely for a while, and then you find someone who understands you, you become really attached to them. It’s a real release.”
You might also like:
- How to Get over the Loss of Someone who is still Alive
- 5 Reasons to Forgive someone who has Hurt you to the Core
- Loving someone isn’t a Child’s Play here’s what you should know before getting Committed in a Relationship
- 8 Huge Reasons why most Long Distance Relationships Fail & How to Avoid It
Let thy spirit be high in love. Namaste