8 Major Reasons why most Long Distance Relationships Fail & How to avoid It:
Some tend to do well in long distance relationship because they don’t crave physical interaction rather mental, some go crazy without regular physical meetings and sharing intimate moments together.
While others fall for the idea portrayed by others, who firmly believe that long distance relationships are utter failure.
Therefore their negative mind-set, and remarks they hear from people that long distance relationship doesn’t work, and are simply waste of time, subconsciously pulls them away from it.
There’s uncertainty in every relationship be it long distance, short distance, queer or heterosexual relationship. Therefore, one can’t say that long distance relationships don’t always work.
However, we can discuss and talk about common problems faced by LDR couples which makes long distance fail miserably.
Since every person has their own take on LDR, let’s discuss some major issues responsible for the failure of long distance relationships.
8 Huge Reasons why Long Distance Relationship Fail & How to Avoid It:
1. Lack of Personality:
In order to make a long distance relationship work, you must have a loving yet interesting personality. Someone who is creative, full of energy, and uses humour to cut back on awkward silences.
Since in a long distance relationship you don’t meet or see each other often. Therefore, one needs to be spontaneous, and fluid in thoughts to carry forward the conversation.
Most long distance relationships fail because people don’t make efforts, they don’t engage their potential partner in their conversation. This is one of the common reasons why most of the long distance relationships fail.
If you only wish to talk about yourself and aren’t a good listener. Then watch out as it could result in fallout.
However, those who value companionship over distance understand that one has to raise the bar. They work on their personality to be able to continue their romance by evoking their partner’s interest in them.
Don’t use Phrases such as:
- “I think I am running out of topics to talk about, or I don’t have anything to say.”
- “Is it necessary to talk over the phone to keep this relationship going?”
- “I am bored of just talking and making calls to you.”
When you repeat such words, you give a wrong indication to your partner, that you are bored of this long-distance set up, and wish to discontinue it.
Therefore, many long distance relationships fail, because healthy communication is a must in the initial stages of a relationship.
So if you take time to build that friendly report with your partner. Then you and your partner will develop mutual acceptance, and understanding for one another.
2. Jealously and Trust Issues:
Most long-distance romance doesn’t blossom because of the lack of mutual trust, and fear to commit to someone who lives miles apart.
This problem intensifies when couples try to push the matter under the rug instead of having “the talk.” This is one of the common reasons why most of the long distance relationships fail.
Since the fear of being wrong, or termed as either “too possessive or too suspicious” makes the person holdback.
This creates a pool of negative feelings and emotions for the other person, who may not have an idea about what’s going on in their partner’s mind.
Let’s find out what can be done in this regard
Most LDR couples silently deal with issues related to trust, which they don’t share with their partner or friends. Because they feel that they will either receive a slack or will be advised by their friends to wrap this up asap.
For this you can:
- First and most importantly, build mutual trust in each other. So be honest if you don’t want to monitor each other.
- Whenever your mind is occupied by questions, ask, and get that load off.
- Don’t ponder deeply on the same questions every day because thoughts are things, they consume time.
- Let your friends, family or close one’s know who is your special person.
- By introducing your partner, you will make it known that he/she is a now a part of your small world.
- Be familiar with your partner’s circle of friends/colleagues. So the next time you feel jealous of a co-worker, you know you are wasting time.
- Be patient if your partner has been in a toxic and abusive relationship in the past. Since it takes time to rebuild the lost trust in relationships.
3. Time Crunch:
Most people have this grave misconception, that LDR couples are always busy on their phones, texting, and calling their beau to share memories of the day.
When it real, most long-distance couples barely get time to talk because they live in different cities and countries.
The difference in time zones, schedules, and working hours make the time go like whoosh. This is one of the major reasons due to which most of the long distance relationships fail.
Hence, they get less time to invest in each other and to build a strong and unbreakable bond with one another.
How to avoid this Problem?
Time crunch is a big issue to tackle but you can fill-in the gap by making best possible use of your time. Here are some time management tips for long-distance couples.
The Power of Positive Message: If there’s an insane time gap between your countries, and when you have time to talk, your partner is snoring. As it’s 2 am, then you can leave a sweet message for them.
Since nothing says it better than waking your beloved with sweet words woven with love. This will leave a lasting impression, since your beloved will start the day with your pleasant memory.
Staying connected by sharing pictures: Pictures are a great way to share stories without saying much. If you are someone who doesn’t have time in hand, then you can send cute pictures to your beau.
Sending pictures keeps the conversation afloat. It can also be a great tool for those, who often find themselves running out of words.
Make small calls that conveys the message in a few words: Unlike traditional couples, LDR couples barely get time to have a smooth conversation like a coffee shop date.
So, when you have no time at hand, making a small call to your partner can be a reminder that you value her.
4. Lack of Patience resulting in Unnecessary Fights:
We keep talking and emphasizing that patience is important to make a relationship work. Lack of patience could be the major reason due to which most of the long distance relationships fail.
Do you know that the lack of patience is one of the major reasons for the failure of long distance relationships?
It is during fights and small tiffs that LDR couples get to test each other’s patience. They say hurtful things to each other. Some go to the extreme, and block their partner, so they don’t have to explain or deal with the situation.
This downward spiral makes their relationship sour. As the person on the receiving end feels like he is being abandoned by his partner, when he needs her the most.
The burning of this emotional bridge between the couple leads to the downfall of a long distance relationship.
How Long distance couples can tackle fights with patience?
Listen to understand and not to answer. Many people have this bad habit of justifying themselves even when they are not being targeted in the conversation.
If you listen to your partner with patience. You’ll notice that your partner doesn’t want to argue or fight, but only wants to vent her feelings to release the tension.
By being a patient listener you will offer her a supporting shoulder.
Don’t hung up or run away from serious conversations: One of the biggest tip that you should take right away is— to never hung up or disconnect the call, when your partner wants to discuss something important.
Many believe that it is a good thing to leave the conversation, which they find boring. Therefore, they abruptly cut the call, which results in a heated argument and fight.
5. Lack of Support and Unresolved Issues and Problems:
It won’t be wrong to say that when we meet people face to face, we can have a better understanding whether someone is doing well or not, even when she says, “I am okay!”
For an observant person it won’t take much time to notice the slight shiver in their partner’s voice. Or watching her eyes wander instead of meeting your eyes, and connecting with you instantly.
Generally, we share our problems with those who we are close to, and see on a regular basis. Since they can observe what we are going through at present, and offer support likewise. This is one of the common reasons why most of the long distance relationships fail.
Lack of Physical Presence makes it difficult to view the problem as it is:
Due to the lack of physical presence many LDR couples find it difficult to view the problem as it is, and give helpful suggestions and solutions for it. Less frequent meetings are a major reason for why most long distance relationships fail.
Moreover, the meetings of long distance couples are brief. Therefore, they don’t get much time to resolve their issues, and help each other to get out from their current crisis.
Because it’s natural for two lovers to bond, and share quality time with each other than talking about serious issues. Especially when they get to meet not more than 3 or 4 times a year. This is one of the major reasons due to which most of the long distance relationships fail.
But this can be resolved how? Find out below.
How to be supportive and work like a team when you are in a Long Distance Relationship:
- Whenever your significant other opens up about personal problems, the nature of which doesn’t change much. Try to lend an ear without judging and calling it a tantrum.
- Because we all have this habit of prioritizing one problem as it interferes with our personality. Therefore, we keep looking for answers, validation and new techniques that could work for us.
- If you want to help your partner you should have a clear mind and empathy for your loved one.
- Don’t discuss serious matter when your partner is busy. Because important decisions about life should be made when you both have time, and the headspace to think about it deeply.
6. Emotional Instability:
The constant mood swings and emotional hurdles that one goes through in an LDR is one of the biggest reasons— why most long distance relationships fail.
Which sometimes occur due to:
- Stress and anxiety caused by unresolved personal issues and fights.
- Being emotionally ignorant and not understanding your partner’s emotions, or not knowing how to handle your own emotions.
- Being needy for attention or finding it difficult to be emotionally independent.
- Unruly vibrations between the couple because of anger issues and toxic communication, which weakens the emotional connection.
- Growing attachment with your partner which makes it difficult to focus, and disturbs your work life balance.
So here are some useful long distance relationship tips for you:
- Practice mindfulness to remain calm in situations where you express your emotions in a negative way.
- Speak less but speak well, this is the crux of a healthy relationship.
- Keep yourself busy, don’t call to pass your time as meaningless conversations often results in fights.
- Quickly repair fights because time ticks fast so don’t waste you time and live your life to the fullest.
7. Loneliness due to lack of Physical Presence:
This is one the most common reasons why most long distance relationships fail. Emotional turbulence and loneliness is commonly observed in long distance couples. Since you don’t get time to spend with each other like regular couples.
You cannot sit next to each other, when you need your partner’s strong presence, and his calm aura to entrench in you.
Everybody has a different personality and emotional makeup. Hence, some people go crazy when they enter into long distance relationships. This is one of the common reasons why most of the long distance relationships fail.
Because they feel energized by continuous meetings, and heavily depend on their partner for getting their emotional quotient filled.
Therefore, the lack of physical presence makes them feel they are all alone and the feeling of emptiness take over the feelings of love.
Which makes it difficult for them to appreciate their relationship and the bond they share with each other.
A positive perspective to look at distance:
Most people believe that staying in touch 24*7 solves all the problems. However relationship experts believe that space, and time alone is important for making a relationship work.
When you live away you’re your partner it creates more craving to bounce back to your partner.
“Having time apart is extremely healthy and keeps freshness in the relationship. It encourages each person to maintain their own sense of identity while still being a couple, and it fosters independence and strength, rather than neediness and clinginess.” (Smith, The Secret to A Long Lasting Relationship is Space).
Some tips to deal with loneliness in relationships:
Learn to enjoy your company: Those who tend to do well in long distance relationships share one thing in common— they enjoy their company.
We are so busy in indulging in each other’s life that we forget to bond with ourselves. So try to spend time alone to develop a healthy bond with yourself.
Practise Gratitude: Practice the art of staying in the present, be grateful that you have someone special to share your energy with.
Develop a Hobby: Give time to your hobby, do something which keeps you busy and, makes you happy.
Support each other: When two people form a union, they become each other’s support system. So be supportive if you don’t want to make your partner feel alone in this relationship.
Be optimistic: Don’t lose temper when your partner vents about not meeting for a long time.
Be optimistic, and send positive thoughts to each other. As it’ll make you carry the week like a warm sunshine blazing with life.
8. Lack of love and genuine efforts:
It is needless to say that we make efforts to secure our relationship, when we value and cherish it. So if you don’t feel the same, then either you have lost the connection or there wasn’t any to begin with.
Sometimes it isn’t about the distance, or having understanding issues but its about love that’s missing. And when your energies don’t intertwine with each other, fallouts in relationships are bound to happen.
At some point you might realise that your partner wasn’t into you. Or you both just stepped into an LDR, because you pulled off a great conversation at the start and shared similar interests.
Without realising that most people seem interesting at first. Because you haven’t met them in real life, and have little to no info about— how they actually are in the real world.
Love takes time to nurture, whereas attraction and infatuation dynamically work together at a lightning speed. This is also a common reason for why most long distance relationships fail.
Many people don’t wait and rush into LDR because of the following reasons:
- They think they don’t have to make efforts in real life like going on dates, meeting their beau’s family and friends, and bonding with them.
- They feel lonely in a foreign land, and miss having a warm connection with someone, who they can talk to and share their feelings with.
- Hence, they get enchanted by the idea of it, and enter into LDR, when all they need is a friend and not a romantic partner.
What you can do in this regard:
- Take time to observe your feelings if they are a cause and result of sexual attraction.
- Don’t trust words because its easy for someone to manipulate you online, because in the virtual world people can become what they want.
- Trust actions, observe what and how your partner talks about other people.
- Be honest and vocal about your future plans, and if you picture you two together.
- Honesty in relationships relieve unwanted stress, and tension from the mind. Moreover it saves time.