8 Things you shouldn’t do in the Name of Love:
Life is a journey and we should embrace all the good parts of it while keeping our conscience awake. So when the best moments knock on our door, we should remind ourselves not to fly on cloud nine.
Since not every flight will be smooth, and once you crash, the fall might cause a great deal of trouble. Especially when you are taking that flight with the one you love, trust, and adore.
Because if they take you high up in the air, where you struggle to breathe and leave you alone to panic. Then the smooth journey can turn into your worst nightmare. Where you’ll question— how, why, and for how long, they have been masquerading themselves as your well-wisher.
Therefore, you must take caution when it comes to love. Be fully awake to relish the sweetness of a healthy relationship while holding your ground.
So be decisive, and think twice before doing these— 8 things that you shouldn’t do in the name of love. As prevention is always better than cure!
1. Saying Yes all the time:
Once we leave behind the social setup and crash into our bed, after a long tiring day. Most of us like to entertain all kinds of thoughts related to the one we love and adore so much.
Then ring our dearest one to talk endlessly for hours. Time sweeps by effortlessly and you feel happy to have someone to discuss things with. But some people don’t actually say what they have in mind.
They just abide by their partner’s words, by saying yes to every decision, they make on their behalf. In short to every word that comes from their mouth. As they think it’ll make their loved one feel special.
Disregarding the fact, that the person on the other end might not be comfortable with idolising them. Or they might be interested in hearing what lies underneath the surface— your thoughts on life. So they can know more about you and your personality.
How narcissists can use this as a tool to manipulate you:
On the other hand, narcissists would love it, as they will find it as a medium to feed on your insecurities. So they can manipulate you.
Either by making you do what they want or by throwing off a tantrum, telling you that you’ve changed overtime.
“Narcissists use other people — people who are typically highly empathic — to supply their sense of self-worth and make them feel powerful. But because of their low self-esteem, their egos can be slighted very easily, which increases their need for compliments,” adds Shirin Peykar, LMFT.
What you must know about giving away your power to narcissists:
Once you start making your own decision and convey your thoughts with confidence. This habit of saying “Yes” to everything in the name of love can backfire on you. Since a narcissistic will feel he/she is giving away the power, they have over you.
So don’t say yes until you have made your mind. Your power of making decisions should rest in your hands. And if someone has a problem with that, then this is a red flag.
2. Not standing up for Yourself:
It’s sad to see so many people getting abused by their partners in the name of love, and still putting up with them, instead of taking an action.
Such people usually go by the belief that ‘everything is fair in love and war.’ Hence, they stitch their lips, and cover up their partner’s acts by taking their side.
This, in turn, gives more power and authority to the abuser to victimise their partner. As they think, their partner is a commodity they own and have the utmost right over them.
They exploit them to the point that the victim accepts it as their fate. However, one must speak before it gets too late, and should never accept being mistreated in the name of love.
The importance of speaking up for yourself in relationships:
Speaking up for yourself will not only save you from getting the slack. But if you’ll take a stand for yourself from the very start.
It’ll set the boundary for others and if they try to cross it in the name of love. They should know beforehand, that they can face serious repercussions.
Your strong stance will become the emblem for your treatment, suggesting the person to not mess with you. As no nuisance will be entertained here.
Here’s a quote from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, that resonates with what I feel:
“Much stronger boys in her class soon learned that it could be quite unpleasant to fight with that skinny girl. Unlike other girls in the class, she never backed down, and she would not for a second hesitate to use her fists or any weapon at hand to protect herself. She went around with the attitude that she would rather be beaten to death than take any shit.”
3. Putting your Integrity on the Floor in the Name of Love:
When two people are in love, they can go beyond their comfort to make their beau happy.
But some people are demanding, and they often come up with things they know, their partner isn’t ready for doing.
And when that person disagrees to do what they wish for, they start playing mind games. And persuade their partner to fulfil their desires in the name of love.
When this doesn’t work, they threaten or challenge them to do it to prove their love and trust for them.
No matter how much someone pushes you to do anything, that is beyond your comfort level, your integrity, and your pride. Do not do it in the name of love, as you may go through an emotional turmoil.
Since your thoughts may question your values, your ethics, your integrity, and your beliefs— either spiritual or moral.
These wise words by Zig Ziglar says it all:
“With integrity, you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity, you will do the right thing, so you will have no guilt.”
Check out: How to Stay lit Spiritually
4. Sharing your Partner’s Secrets with others once it’s Over:
Love unites people, and that unison helps us in trusting the other individual. Since faith and trust are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship.
Therefore when two people finally decide to be together. They tend to share their secrets. As they feel, the one they love won’t disclose their secrets. And wouldn’t judge them because of the mutual understanding they share.
However, some people think it’s okay to spill the secrets, once the union is over. Without thinking that those secrets were shared because their partner had blind faith in them. And disclosing them will only prove how immature and shallow that person is.
On the other hand, some egoistic beings enjoy demeaning their former partner. In order to save their face after a breakup. As their sole motive lies in making others believe— that their partner was unworthy of their love.
What you should do instead:
- No matter whose mistake it is, but you should always remain calm.
- Try to talk less about what happened between you two and avoid such discussion (as its your personal choice).
- Keeping the pain to yourself will eventually help you to accept the situation, and to walk away with dignity.
- Instead of wasting time in butchering other’s name, and holding onto those negative emotions for life.
Also, not everyone is interested in hearing others’ secrets. Since grasping such information is unnecessary and irrelevant. And it doesn’t add any value in our lives.
Avoid such people as they are manipulative and cannot be trusted at any cost. And are only proving what they can do, once they aren’t a part of your life. As they can distort your words and use them to create rumours about someone.
Thankfully my loner spirit doesn’t allow such people to come close to me. And you shouldn’t as well, as they are capable of ruining the lives of innocent people by generating false information.
5. Seeking Revenge:
Some guys have a very disturbing image of love, which usually stems from what they have seen at home and society. And are influenced or impressed by it could be friends, movies, books, etc.
When the advances of such individuals are turned down. They think that it’s an attack on their manhood. And they go to extreme lengths to put a band-aid on their fragile ego, which can be smashed by a simple no.
Acid attacks prove that people have a very disturbing image of love and they need to be educated:
There have been numerous cases around the world where women are attacked, abused, and killed for saying “No” to men. If you have ever heard the name of Laxmi Agarwal, the acid attack survivor from India. You know, that her story is not the only one.
Since there are many innocent girls all over the world, who are the victims of acid attacks. Their faces and lives are disfigured in the name of love.
Despite the Supreme Court’s ban on over the counter sale of such harmful chemicals in 2013, these acids can be procured easily in the capital itself.
Documentaries focusing on acid attack victims share heart-wrenching tales of men, who resort to such heinous crimes. If they are turned down by women they like, or their wives, who deny physical intimacy to them.
It’s ironic to see that people resort to vengeance. Instead of giving time to rebuild themselves. So they can walk away with pride, instead of depending on the other person for happiness.
Revenge will never solve anything Karma will.— Anonymous
Social media is the new hot-spot for feuds:
Even social media isn’t spared and once the relationship is over.
The over display of love quickly changes into a swamp of hateful messages, and name shaming. By posting obscene videos, morphed images, and other personal stuff that can destroy someone’s life.
It’s disheartening to see that such men are often supported by their friends. Who think there’s nothing wrong in teaching a lesson to women.
Whilst ignoring the fact, when two people end a relationship, both get equally hurt. And the memories haunt you until you make peace with it.
So why are women subjected to such abuse?
More so when they are the ones, who have been cheated on, maltreated, or are simply targeted for refusing to accept their proposal.
Don’t they have the dignity to walk away without getting the slack? Such men are the reason, why guys who actually are the victims of abuse don’t get justice.
Because their cases go unreported and are oftentimes neglected. Since the stats reveal there’s a high percentage of cases of abuse and violence done by men on women.
I was watching a documentary, where men who were the victims of domestic violence were sharing. How everybody including their friends, family, and even officials, told them— they need to man-up.
Since they can’t handle a woman. On the other hand, the abuser was acquitted for their wrongdoing because of their gender.
This grim reality is dawning upon men, as they are now getting punished for the years of abuse done by patriarchy.
6. Playing the Push and Pull Game:
To be interested in sports and brain games is great. But to plan and plot against the one you love is borderline crazy.
Usually, narcissists use this approach to control the mind of the one they love. So they can have full autonomy over their life.
Either by projecting themselves as miserable, lonely, and weak; someone who is in desperate need of a saviour. Or by playing the push and pull games.
Where they showcase their best side, and when the person they want, gets trapped in their love affair. They treat them like an object and toss them around.
Once they feel the person they love is under their thumb. They know there job is done, as they know that person will do anything for them.
After extracting everything they want, every little spark of life from their partner. They move on to prey on others in the name of love. Meanwhile, they backtrack their partner to make them feel wanted, loved, and cared for.
Thereby, making it difficult for their partner to escape from their demonic possession.
What makes it difficult to leave a narcissist:
- Since narcissists cannot take no for an answer, and they like to win.
- They keep coming back with fake promises and apologies, just to gain the trust of their partner.
- And bring more misery by reigniting those beautiful memories relished together.
- Once accepted, they quickly showcase their true colours.
How mind games can sabotage your mental health:
This kind of approach can severely sabotage your mental health. As the person involved in such a toxic kind of relationship will always be suspicious about their partner’s move.
And won’t be able to leave any sooner, as their narcissist partner will keep luring them with their charms. However one must remember that such people only love and admire themselves.
What you must know:
At all-cause, you must stay away from such dishonest players, as they can damage you with their sick idea of love.
No matter how much you try but you can never win their heart. So don’t take such unnecessary challenges, as they look okayish in movies, and sick in reality.
7. Demanding to be Treated Fair, when you aren’t willing to do the Same:
Since we all are capable of experiencing every emotion from fear, happiness to achievement. We are well aware of how our loved one can stir our emotions, and can make us feel good and bad.
What psychologists say:
Psychologist Robert Plutchik explains, when emotions such as— happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger, pride, shame, surprise and excitement combines. They form a wheel of emotions.
According to this theory, more basic emotions such as joy and trust, when combined give birth to love. On the other hand, mixed emotions including anger, lack of trust, disgust, and pride can work otherwise.
Therefore when a relationship collapses such mixed emotions are the cause of it. Which arise in our mind, when we take too much pride in ourselves and create ‘a larger than life image of us.’
Wherein one demands loyalty and respect but fails to do the same. And keep betraying their partner and then seek forgiveness in the name of love.
On the other hand, they become aggressive, when they see their partner being polite to people belonging to the opposite gender. And act out to show their dominance, ownership, and control over that person in the name of love.
“Don’t let your loyalty become slavery. If they don’t appreciate what you bring to the table, let them eat alone.”— Anonymous
This lack of empathy and self-obsession crumbles down the relationship. As sooner or later, the person finds out the truth and learns that they deserve better.
Once they leave, their goodness and simplicity gets absorbed in the mind. And the scent of it lingers forever, causing remembrance and pain.
8. Crushing your Dreams for Someone:
Some people try to give their best to make their relationship work, even if it comes with the price of sacrifice. Where they have to put their dreams on a halt.
Which isn’t a bad thing, if your partner understands and values it. Knowing that these sacrifices are made for love, peace and for bringing happiness by filling in the empty space.
Because not everybody is lucky to have supportive families and friends by their side. Some have adults and children to take care of, who have special needs.
Hence, they devote their life to welcome hope in despair. Thereby, making their life a joyous ride on earth.
On the other hand, some push, disregard, undermine their partner’s talent, and their will to achieve their dreams. Which sours relationships.
While those who are naïve in love just submit themselves to their partner’s hands in the name of love. And sail their ship in their direction, which when disturbed by torrential rain and storms, collapses and sink.
This makes them understand, the heavy price of putting their dreams on hold for someone in the name of love.
Last but not the least, there are some regressive people, who tell their significant other not to dream. Because they cannot see them out in the world, and only want to stop them from soaring high.
This is most noticeable in societies that work on prehistoric beliefs, and do not allow women to study or pursue their dreams. However, many men and women are pushing the boundaries now, which gives a hope to the future generations to prosper.
The worse is to see, humans controlling humans, yet they are afraid of alien invasion. Peace out!
You may also like to read:
- Why loving someone isn’t a child’s play & What you should know before Committing
- How to Get over the Loss of Someone who is still Alive
- When a Person Leaves- Poem on Heartbreak & Separation
- A Stoic’s way to Self-Acceptance: Why it’s Okay to be Different
- 8 Stress Relieving Outdoor Activities that’ll bring you closer to Solitude
Let thy spirit be high in love. Namaste