How to deal with Jealousy in Relationships
Jealously is one of the biggest factors contributing in souring of a healthy relationship. When we are in love, we reserve a special place for our beloved in our heart, who takes the throne like a knight.
Since we prioritize that person so much and usher endless love. It makes us discover a soft and vulnerable side of our personality, that we weren’t well acquainted with.
Therefore, it hurts whenever we feel threatened that the person we love is capable of hurting us in ways, that are beyond imagination.
This is the point, where feelings of jealousy stems in our mind. Thus, marking the beginning of a chaotic relationship with our partner and ourselves.
This is why, many relationship experts advice couples not to fall in the trap of their deceitful emotions, and take effective steps to deal with jealousy in relationships. As it can have a severe impact on your mental health.
Jealousy in Relationships is Most often an Indication of:
Jealousy in relationships can arise due to many reasons, but they all point towards one root cause, which is having a poor self image of yourself. Which gives birth to insecurities and causes negative thinking.
When such negative thoughts start building in your mind, one cannot help but picture themselves in bad light. They start comparing themselves with others and even their partner. Which makes them feel they aren’t good enough, pretty enough and could potentially be replaced by their partner in near future.
Therefore, they feel insecure about themselves and their relationship. This in turn makes them feel suspicious about their partner’s intentions, and they find different reasons to be jealous about like— friends they talk to, their career which is taking off at a good speed, their healthy bonding with their family, and their warm nature.
Due to which they start feeling inadequate and incompatible for their partner. As their insecurities have made them believe that, you are not levelling up and could be replaced by him/her, anytime.
Therefore, in order to deal with jealously in relationships. One needs to have acceptance for themselves and clear their mind of such negative thoughts. So they do not feel insecure in their relationship.
Also Read: 105 Jealousy Quotes that’ll free you from Envy and Jealousy
Is Jealousy in Relationships Healthy:
Since humans are capable of thinking in various dimensions and analyzing a situation through various lenses. Therefore, the probability of going in extreme level of emotions is quite possible. Especially when either of you feel a certain way about your partner and don’t express it the way it is.
Although having a little bit of jealousy in relationships doesn’t harm anybody as its natural. Especially when you two have just started dating and aren’t aware of each other’s nature. But things get serious if you aren’t able to push away those feelings from your mind and they start taking a toll on your relationship.
You might be jealous of the co-worker with whom your beau or spouse works with. And might find their friendship threatening to your relationship.
You feel bad seeing them together but aren’t vocal as it might affect your relationship. Or could potentially hurt your partner for not having enough faith in the relationship. You know, you are overthinking but you fail to think positively because, you are possessed by your own feelings.
Which leads to confusion, drama, and you repress your emotions, that causes rampant fights, and sometimes people fall apart in love due to it.
Though some people especially women might find jealous men as cute. Since women think that they are exhibiting their fear of losing them through their jealousy. Hence, they cannot fathom other men getting your attention or are extremely aggressive, whenever you are having a friendly chat with your friend.
But when this gets too far, the flames of jealousy spreads like wildfire and it swallows your relationship. So let’s not ignore these signs and learn— How to deal with Jealousy in Relationships.
How to deal with Jealousy in Relationships
1. Accept the problem instead of condemning it:
The worse form of ignorance is when you condemn an issue, which is affecting your life and your mental health. But you still try to side line it, because you feel it will eventually get better with time.
Many people adopt the same approach in relationships. Wherein, they ignore negative emotions that they experience for their partner because of various unresolved issues.
One of the most commonly observed negative emotions is jealously, which destroys many relationships. Because the person who is experiencing it, feels it’s okay to have jealously in relationships.
People have Different ways of Expressing jealousy in Relationships:
Some even try to express jealousy in relationships by acting weird in front of their partner by exhibiting their emotions in a comical way. Which confuses the person on the receiving end— whether their partner is suspicious or is just joking around.
Such people are great imposters. They can mock you without letting you know, and if you try to have a serious talk about the matter. They will have a well laid plan to prove you wrong. Because they were continuously working on their hypothesis of you being a culprit and a backstabbing cheater.
While others believe that experiencing such emotions is normal. Because you are head over heels for him or her and everything will get better with time. Which is true to an extent, but nothing gets better unless and until, you make it happen.
So don’t wait for your partner to pin point it to you, and allow the situation to get out of hand or try to condemn it. If you accept that your jealous nature is negatively influencing your behaviour. Then it will help you to take immediate action.
Accepting that your jealous nature is causing conflicts in your relationship will help you in taking responsibility for your actions. This will further help you in effectively managing your emotions, that are persuading you to throw a fit of rage on your loved one.
2. Communicate your Problem and Don’t be Passive Aggressive:
Don’t be passive aggressive, and make your partner’s life a living hell. Because when people are dishonest with their feelings, they either go silent or become rude, aggressive and abusive. So don’t be the Gordan Ramsay of your relationship, who sets the kitchen on fire by his hot and fiery attitude.
Losing temper won’t help you in any way, nor suppressing your anger will heal your relationship. As it will be released in one or the other ways like— being rude to your partner, taunting, showing lack of interest in conversation and not cooperating with your partner.
These are classic examples of behavior observed in passive aggressive couples, who do not communicate their problems. If you feel that you are experiencing jealously in relationship. Then talk to your partner, communicate your feelings, as it will help you two to reach to a conclusion.
You can share what is causing you to feel such negative emotions and your partner can help you to clear the air. Communicating your problems will not only help you to get the answers. But will also help your partner to understand the reason behind your passive aggressive behavior.
May be your partner wants to help you but feels intimidated to ask. So be honest and share what’s eating you inside. Communicating your problems to your partner helps in solving the problem before it becomes a major issue.
3. Don’t allow your Insecurities to Play with your Mind:
Insecurity or the feeling of inadequacy can make someone behave irrationally in a relationship as they are blinded by negative emotions. Due to which they develop negative thinking. Therefore, jealousy in relationships stems, which destroys happy relationships.
Most of the times couples experience insecurity due to their negative past experiences. Which decreases their self-esteem to the extent, that they don’t feel confident about themselves.
They feel paranoid and have recurring thoughts— that their partner might leave them or is unfaithful towards them as experienced earlier. Therefore, such individuals become extremely possessive and keen on what their partner is doing behind their back.
As a result of it, they keep tabs on their partner’s activities, and get furious when their partner doesn’t text back immediately. Such individuals are always suspicious, whether their partner is more than friendly with the opposite gender.
Such negative emotions coax them to behave irresponsibly and they suffocate their relationship with jealousy. Identify such toxic emotions and don’t allow your insecurities to play with your mind.
If you want to Get over your Insecurities that are Causing jealousy in Relationships.
- Then firstly, stop thinking of yourself as a victim all the time and don’t punish your partner for something he/she didn’t do.
- Secondly, learn how to make peace with your past, the first step towards it is to acknowledge the past. I know it doesn’t sound good but it will help you to accept your toxic past as an important lesson in life.
- This process will take time but it will help you to get rid of the emotional baggage, that you’ve been carrying in your current relationship from the day you committed yourself into it.
- Be kind and gentle with yourself. Take out time for yourself because the more you spend time with yourself, the more acceptance you will develop for yourself.
- Be your friend and not a foe. Don’t repeatedly say negative things about yourself in your mind. Value the relationship you have with yourself. As it is the most important thing in life, which offers peace of mind.
- Focus on improving yourself than on improving others. Your partner is not your project, let him or her grow on their own. Don’t forcefully discipline him and invest your time on self-improvement.
4. Practice Self love as it will Help you to Curb your Jealousy:
Love is a precious emotion and it takes great courage to love someone. Because when you love someone, you unknowingly submit yourself to them. You get extreme desire to care, pamper and to usher the happiness of the world on them.
But in the process of loving someone, some of us forget to love and care for ourselves. Due to which we lose, the connection we have with ourselves and feel insecure about— how will we survive if the person we love decides to leave us.
Such kind of thoughts can make someone feel powerless. As they have shared such a tender emotion with the person, who no longer wishes to be with them.
Therefore, they feel vulnerable, as they fear getting replaced by another person. Hence, they develop jealousy in relationships and have problems in trusting the person, who they love the most.
How to deal with Jealousy in Relationships:
Practicing self love can help in cubing insecurity and to deal with jealousy in relationships. As practicing self love will teach you to prioritize yourself, to be proud of who you are and be confident about yourself.
When you are in sync with yourself, you don’t feel insecure. Because the love you have for yourself surpasses the negativity that comes from you or others.
Here’s how You can practice Self love to Deal with Jealousy in Relationships:
- Stop criticizing yourself and appreciate little things about you, that makes you special.
- Keep reminding yourself that you are unique and nobody in this world can ever replace you. Because nobody can be like you, scientifically and literally, no matter how hard they try.
- Focus on yourself and not on others, because the first rule to loving yourself is to stop thinking about those, who don’t add value to your life.
- Don’t occupy your mind with unnecessary info about others. As it will only consume your head space and will eat up your time. Empty your mind, be formless and shapeless like water.
- You are not in a competition so stop comparing yourself with others.
- If your partner gives reasons to be jealous or enjoys watching you being jealous. Then it’s a red flag and you should stop wasting your time and energy in such a toxic relationship.
There’s a famous quote by Alyssa B. Sheinmel that says:
“You have to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. Because it’s only when we love ourselves that we feel worthy of someone else’s love.”
― Alyssa B. Sheinmel, Faceless
5. Have some Empathy and Don’t laugh On your Jealous Bae:
When your beau is trying to confess his feelings of jealousy. Don’t laugh on him, get offended or try to brush away the conversation by telling him, you knew about it. As it will only make him silently withdraw from the conversation.
Nobody wants to be embarrassed, when they are trying to open up about their weaknesses. So be kind and patient, listen to what he has to say. Tell him that its okay to have little bit of jealousy in relationships.
Doing this, will help your beau to open up about his feelings and experiences. Which will help you to resolve your issues and find solution to the problem instead of sliding it away. So be an empathic listener, who listens without judging.
6. Learn how to Manage your Emotions:
Man is a thinking animal who can create heaven or hell in his mind, due to the nature of his thoughts. Since we are capable of thinking in an abstract manner, we have the potential to think and experience different emotions.
The worse thing is— some people know that their negative thinking is ruining their relationship. However, they don’t want to accept it and choose to play the victim card.
Such individuals not only fool others but also themselves. They develop serious trust issues due to overthinking, constantly judging their partner for things they didn’t do and over analyze every situation.
Sobbing, sulking and repeat telecasting the same stories to your friends won’t justify your actions. If you sincerely wish to save your relationship, then be accountable for your decisions and learn to manage your emotions.
Here’s how you can Manage your Emotions in an Effective way to Deal with Jealousy in Relationships:
- Don’t ignore your emotions, allow yourself to feel it in order to comprehend the meaning and nature of it—whether it is negative or positive emotion and what could be its effect on relationship.
- Talk your feelings out with your partner and don’t stuff them inside for long as it will cause a state of disruption and confusion.
- Keep yourself busy so you can ignore the negative emotions that arise due to jealousy.
- Try journaling, where you can maintain an anecdotal record of your feelings and behavior. It will help you to keep a track of your emotions and your reactions, which will definitely help you to deal with jealousy in relationships.
- Exercise your body and mind by indulging in creative or recreational activities.
- Practice mindfulness activities like yoga, mediation and tai-chi to help you deal with stress, anxiety and anger, that arises due to jealousy.
7. Have Faith in your Soulmate:
This is one of the most cliché things to say but without having trust on your partner, you won’t be able to make it far in the relationship. There will always be conflicts, drama and trust issues because of not having faith in your relationship.
“Trust is not an obsession, it’s an extension of love. When we truly love someone, we give them our heart to hold in their hands. And when that love is returned, that very trust is balm to our souls.” — Julie Lessman
So trust your partner to deal with jealousy in relationships. Because many couples don’t realize it until jealousy starts decaying the relationship.
It is then they learn, if they would have put half of their energy in developing trust, instead of attacking their partner with false allegations. Then things could have been wonderful between the couple.
Trust is an important element that enhances the relationship, which makes your love timeless. A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.
Hope these tips will help you to deal with jealousy in relationships. So keep going strong!
Let thy spirit be high in love. Namaste!
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