Everyone wants to be heard, understood, and appreciated for who they are. As these are primeval emotions that exist in all of us. Because of the way we are raised and shaped to build healthy relationships, which makes us feel connected to each other.
Since we all have this urge to bond and, to be able to share our deepest secrets, unfulfilled dreams, and desires. We keep searching for the one, who understands us.
Insecurities may arise with Time but a Strong Bond between the Couple keeps the Boat afloat:
However, when we come face to face with that person, and get comfortable in sharing our feelings with them.
We soon learn that after pouring everything to them. Sometimes we don’t know what else, we want to share and extract for them, that’s hiding underneath their skin.
During this phase, you’ll will either have conflict in accepting your partner’s past (if there is any). Will remunerate about, whether they are for love, or there are some wicked emotions involved in it.
Some of the questions that are bound to arise in your head, during this time are:
- Does he love me or only need emotional support from me?
- Should I trust her? Since she was involved in a relationship that didn’t work.
- What if he is cheating on me?
- Should I say, what’s bothering me?
- Am I in love with him or he is easy to be with?
- Ugh! He’s so challenging and different from me. Should I give up?
- Does she care about me?
- Will he miss me, if I go away from him?
Set some Relationship Goals & Work on them like a Team to strengthen your Relationship:
If you think, you are the only one, who thinks like this, then it’s wrong.
Because when you share your energy with someone. And create a strong bond, which only exists between you two, then some insecurities might build up with time.
Due to a lot of reasons, ranging from—
- Lack of openness in a relationship,
- Not seeing each other often due to long distance relationship,
- Poor communication,
- Being extremely possessive,
- Or not wanting to have an open conversation.
So here are some helpful couple goals and tips to overcome these insecurities. You can checklist these relationship goals of happy couples to make your bond strong.
So Quickly, check out these: 10 relationship goals for Couples who want to strengthen their relationship & Work as a Strong Team.
1. Keep Healthy Communication on your Top Priority:
Couples who don’t communicate about things that bother them, and try to ignore or bury the topic, whenever it arises. Don’t realise that they are inviting more trouble for the future.
Because holding onto negative emotions, and not wanting to discuss it with your partner, will create negativity for that person.
This will lead to emotional buildup. Which sooner or later will release on that person with a severe intensity than intended. And when you have negative emotions inside, it shows in your behaviour.
Due to the pent up emotions, you might want to cut off from that person. Ignore their calls/texts, withdraw from activities that you two did, or simply distance yourself from them.
Which will make that person feel— you don’t care for them, are hiding something, or simply want to get off the boat.
Instead of doing so much harm to you and your partner’s mental and emotional health. Just talk to him, tell him what’s hurting you, and share your feelings.
Keeping this relationship goal on your top priority will help you to have a healthy and happy relationship. Because the ultimate strength lies in self-expression, and this is one of the biggest secrets of happy couples.
2. Accept each other’s Past:
When it comes to relationships, people have an ideal image of the person, they want to be with.
They want their significant other to be pristine, and flawless. Because deep inside, everybody wishes they deserve the best.
But when it comes to them, they don’t enquire themselves about the vices they hide. It could be ego, it could be selfishness, it could be narcissism, anger issues etc.
Instead, they solely focus on the person they are dating, tearing every bit of the life that he/she has lived in the past. Finding their faults and weakness, which they can use to win future arguments.
This obsession with one’s self, and the desire for a perfect article instead of a “life partner.” Will eventually make the other person feel unwanted and undesirable. Because the one they love cannot accept their past.
What you can do to make Peace with your Partner’s past:
No matter how much you toil, regret, and curse your fate. But the fact is, we cannot blame someone for falling in love, and question, why it didn’t work out earlier?
Since you weren’t there and your partner had no idea, that the universe will conspire to make you two meet.
Instead of judging, you must ask yourself, “Whether its good to be in an abusive, toxic and manipulative relationship? Or fighting for your self-respect to live a dignified life because you know, you deserve better.”
With this simple enquiry, you’ll develop empathy for the other person. Which will help you to understand, why we shouldn’t judge and comment on someone’s past.
Remember these wise words of George Orwell—“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” – George Orwell
So accept each other’s past, and love without judgement. This relationship goal will not only bring you closer, but will also help you grow as a person.
3. Let go of Old Fights:
Many people think that a healthy relationship is when you two don’t fight and quarrel. I would like to disagree with it. Because where there is love, a little sparks will fly from time to time, and that’s okay.
The problem arises, when we lock those emotions inside, and give so much importance to it in our minds.
- Thinking about what your partner said to you in that heated moment,
- Holding a grudge against them, even after they resolved the issue,
- Locking bad memories inside and talking about them again and again.
Avoid discussing about old fights. As it’ll only make you go into those negative emotions.
If you want to work like a strong team, you need to let go of old fights. Because this isn’t a wrestling match, where you have to beat the opponent.
So checklist this relationship goal, which is a secret of many happy couples having a strong bond.
“At the end of the day, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart or what’s keeping you together.” – Anonymous
4. Choose Constructive Criticism over Destructive Criticism:
Sometimes it’s good, when our person sets our record straight by telling us about our bad habits, immoral behaviour, and carelessness. Which helps in making room for improvement.
But putting it together in a way, which feels like a personal attack will only destroy your relationship.
Because destructive criticism demoralises people to open up and speak to you, like they normally would. Especially in a situation, where your significant other only craves for your support.
Blowing a punch on their back by making harsh criticism, instead of understanding their situation will do more harm than good.
Therefore, try to give your feedback in a positive way by providing specific, and actionable suggestions. Rather than sounding like a headmistress, who is ready to whack her pupil, which her sharp tongue.
Check out: Why loving someone isn’t a child’s play & What you should know before Committing
5. If you want to be Heard, just Listen first:
The art of listening is often undermined by couples. With so many things to say and such busy schedules. Some couples don’t get much time to spend together.
Therefore, it’s of utmost importance to pour your heart out, from time to time. And whenever you do so, make sure, you:
- Give mutual respect to each other by patiently listening to one another,
- Don’t interrupt your partner’s conversation or cut-short her talk,
- Give time to respond, wait for your beau to finish his/her sentences,
- Don’t crack jokes or laugh in bad timing, like when he is trying to share how bad his day went,
- Skip sarcasm, as sometimes it can be irritating, especially when you want to have a heartfelt conversation,
- Understand that some moments deserve silence. So listen and let your love, vent the pent up emotions.
Rather than being a— know-it-all kind of person, be I-can-understand, kind of person.
This is one of the important relationship goals to keep in mind. Because sometimes, people only want you to be there for them, and that’s all.
Therefore, you must listen. Because your partner will only pay attention to your conversation, when they’ll feel, they are a part of it.
If only one person is talking and keeping the lights on him, then the show will not survive for long.
6. Avoid distractions and Be in the present moment:
Staying in the present moment is important. As it makes you appreciate the star-dust, that’s willing to be united with you, forever.
If you are always on your phone, liking, texting or scrolling through your Instagram feed, while she is trying to bond. Then you need to stop it because its disrespectful.
Being on your device device while she is talking, and struggling to make a proper eye contact with you. Will not only hinder the conversation, but will also make her feel bad, for being there at the moment.
As you are juggling between checking out DM’s and being with her at the moment. By avoiding distractions, you’ll be able to cherish and treasure that feeling.
So be gentle, and show some respect by acknowledging your beloved’s lovely presence.
Once you’ll do so, you will never regret not spending enough time together, when you two were together.
Don’t miss this story: Him, I & the Man with the Saddest Eyes
7. Don’t Hit each other where it Hurts:
We all have insecurities and having them is normal, as overtime, you learn how to tackle them.
As time passes by, and you come closer to your person, you tend to share it with them. Which literally suggests, “I trust you. Therefore, I am being vulnerable with you.”
Because sharing your insecurities encourages others to be in a safe place, where they can open up.
However, some narcissistic people take advantage of it, and use it as a tool to incur wrath on their partner.
Either by using them in fights or in conversation to let them down. Or by telling them, how weak they are for having such insecurities.
But do you know?
“What happens when people open their hearts?”
“They get better.”―Haruki Murakami
So don’t back stab your partner by making fun of his insecurities because it’ll only tear down the relationship.
Support and be kind, lock this in your heart, and make it your relationship goal.
8. Celebrate Small Victories:
Small moments of appreciation make you want to achieve more and do better in life. As it gives a gentle push to you. Even if you two aren’t in a position to celebrate or are going through a financial crisis.
A little appreciation goes a long way.
And lauding each other for sticking together through thick and thin, makes the hardships feel like a red velvet cake.
“You can’t just give up on someone because the situation is not ideal. Great relationships are not great because they have no problems. They are great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work.” – Anonymous
So celebrate small victories, and pat each other’s back for doing better than yesterday. This is one of my favourite relationship goals, that I follow to the T.
Check out: Loving a Lone Wolf– How to keep a Relationship on with a Loner
9. Apologise and Forgive to end Cold Wars:
When we were little and fought with our loved ones. We used to get upset for the moment and carried the mood for some time.
Eventually realising that we need that friend in our life. Because we enjoyed their company, and looked past forward that emotion.
But adulting makes it difficult to let go of those sour emotions, when we fight. Due to the “self” which grows and becomes strong like concrete.
Therefore, we struggle to forgive and apologise, and often wait for the other person to do so. Despite knowing that person is ours, and we know, we two will make it to the far.
We replay the bad moments, which adds fuel to the fire, and discussions end up in arguments or fights.
Know that accepting mistakes, and being accountable for your actions doesn’t make you any small. And forgiveness is a trait for a strong person. So use these two tools efficiently.
Always remember: “To err is human, to forgive, divine.”― Alexander Pope
10. Embrace each other’s Individuality:
It’s not uncommon to see couples having contrasting personalities, doing well together.
Since they look past forward their differences, and do things that bring joy to them.
To be compatible with each other, you must open your mind and heart for one another. Because there is beauty in individuality, and we must embrace it.
If you focus on what’s lacking, or what could have been better. You will never appreciate what you have now.
“Life is about celebrating uniqueness, diversity, and then bringing it all together like the varied colors of a rainbow. Different yet connected.”
You may like:
- There isn’t a Perfect way to Love because Love comes in many Expressions
- 8 Things you shouldn’t do in the Name of Love
- Loners & Relationships: What Happens when Two Loners Fall in Love
- The Golden rules for balancing Relationship with Studies
Let thy spirit be high in love. Namaste
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