Growing up we all thought, how amazing adulting would be. Because we no longer will be under the thumb of our caregivers.
As a child, I dreamt of owning a candy store and having an amazing bakery. Which serves hot out of the oven cookies, and cakes dunked in melting chocolate.
Since I have a good memory, especially of events and dreams, which I like to recall now and then. I remember this one dream that I used to see back and forth, in which I was left alone in a bakery with the shutter down.
The happiness of being inside that shop drooled like saliva from my eyes. I went inside and ravaged the packages, and quickly shovelled my hands into the soft muffins, and vanilla cream rolls, and on the melting chocolate bars.
Whenever I woke up from that dream, I thought heck life would be amazing as an adult. Since I’ll get to eat those amazing, mouth-watering sweets, and I can have as many as I want by paying for it.
In those dreams, I owned a bakery, where I tasted scrumptious cakes, and after having a gastronomic affair with it, sell rest of it.
But this was childhood which screams nothing but innocence. Because back then I didn’t know anything about how the society works, the role of money, and what the society deems as worthy and respectable occupations.
As a child, I only wished for things that I wanted at that particular moment, and my energy was focused only on the present.
Looking back at myself, I can say that I was a smart, aware and mature child. So were many other kids of my age.
Because they lived in the present, never thought about the past, and what can happen in the future as its uncertain.
Even when kids are smashed like a potato by their parents, they hope that tomorrow will be better. Therefore when bad things happen, children hope that the next day will be different.
Hope is what keeps life going, for kids, adults, and other living beings with consciousness.
I think animals too have some kind of hope for tomorrow. Because whenever I see those skeleton dogs looking at strangers with food, their lifeless eyes gleam with hope.
There is some kind of joy, and a sense of hope in those button eyes. That this human will feed me, and I will not sleep with an empty stomach today.
Some days, that hope is attached with a human, the other days with themselves, and the day. Therefore stray canines never lose their zeal to live and survive.
They hunt for food in garbage bins, and nosh on the stale chapatti and bread for survival. Because survival is important.
The follies of adulthood had me crying because none of those dreams were true. Except for the fact that I can buy chocolates and sweets, and eat them without thinking, that my parents will be mad.
However, I wouldn’t because since childhood my brain has been hardwired not to spend money on things, that I know are not essential for living.
Therefore, it rarely happens when I spend money on snacks and stuff. Because these packaged items are not good for my health and can make my hormones go haywire.
Also, knowing that I can actually make it at home by taking help from online cooking videos is amazing. Since it promises good health within a budget.
Everything about adulthood sounds so amazing when you consider the fact, that you can do whatever you want. And take important and independent decisions for your life. The way you want to live and spend it.
But let’s be real, how many times do we think of this? To be honest we only think about this whenever go through episodes of self-destruction.
Which translates to resting then feeling bad, that I can do better. I should better, or do something quickly. Or I am not doing up to the mark that I have set for myself, or why am I here?
Was I really suppose to be here, and if I am here then why don’t I make the most out of it.
Thus, begins our time for self-contemplation, where we debate with ourselves. And the contenders are our negative thoughts and the submissive positive thoughts.
These two keep punching each other until the negative thoughts exhaust themselves. To be honest, they don’t lose, they just get exhausted by repeating the same old stuff.
I have observed that the onset, and offset of these self-destructive thoughts and behaviour usually makes me quiet. Maybe the negative space is inversely proportional to the quiet phase.
It’s like a mental awakening. Where I understand that I am not bad, neither I am the same person that I was when I was little. And definitely, I am not the worse.
Since I am a byproduct of my environment, parenting, experiences, and my own self.
Over the years I have understood that change is good. Even Buddhist philosophy indicates that change is a crucial part of a man’s life. And must be accepted otherwise it becomes a cause for suffering and pain.
Here’s a Buddhist quote that I like about change:
“Just as a snake sheds its skin, we must shed our past over and over again.”
This is a hard truth of growing up, that we as kids didn’t realise that adults face a hard time to be sane. And to keep their mind in a functional state.
We can all agree that as children our brain was much more controlled than it is today. And sometimes it makes me wonder was it better that way?
Because then you don’t have to think about yourself and be sceptical about certain things.
However, giving too much freedom to the mind can be perilous at times. Because the mind strays and wander, when you pull its leash.
Therefore having a little control over the mind can work well, like Osho said, “Mind a beautiful servant but a dangerous master.”
This is the reason why we meditate and listen to good stuff. As it eases our mind by rebelling against negative thoughts.
The reasons are quite obvious because children have short term goals like eat, sleep, study, play, and repeat.
Here I am quoting the wise words of writer Jess Lair, which makes perfect sense to me.
“Children are not things to be moulded, but are people to be unfolded.”
They experience daily stressors that revolve around studies, completing tasks, and worrying that they don’t get into any trouble.
Which usually revolves around their family, relationships, career, health, and dealing with people in day to day life.
Ain’t it true?
“Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.”
Although kids do remember things that happened in the past, especially if it’s bad. But they don’t dwell on things for so long as adults do.
They forgive easily as they know losing their friend is their loss, and not anybody else’s. Hence, kids don’t hold onto such negative emotions and makeup with their friends easily.
Because they don’t have strong opinions, and have experienced very few encounters with society, and are only exposed to a limited environment.
On the contrary, adults are more influenced by societal opinions. They have a strong sense of self and ego. Their exposure to society is more, and also their experience.
So, when they form intimate relationships, they carry the prejudice of former salty experiences.
Hence, they have a hard time forgiving their loved ones. Because sometimes, the damage done is hard to not forget.
So they keep reminding themselves about the pain, and recalling it makes them stay in their past.
This in turn leads to chronic stress that they pile up from the emotional baggage, they are carrying from the past.
Amongst all these, the past baggage should be dropped as soon as possible. Because with all these stressors this past baggage makes your problem seem bigger. Even when you know, you have all the strength to deal with it.
Holding onto the past and the emotional trauma experienced in the past not only makes you a victim in your own eyes. But it also, makes you think of yourself as unwanted, weak, alone and invisible.
So when you know you are rolling in the deep, try to unwind, and come back to safety.
“Let’s travel our own interstate highway
Don’t let yesterday’s ghosts destroy your day” ―
Kids don’t have a particular type, they readily accept those who show interest in them. They live for love, and stretch their hands for those who are ready to offer a hug. Hence, kids make friends easily.
“A person’s a person, no matter how small.” — Dr. Seuss
Children see the world with hope, magic, and kindness. Something that grown-ups lack, they don’t find happiness in small things, as children do.
Remember how watching a rainbow would make you fill with joy, like something magical is happening in the sky. And when rain and sun would accompany each other, we would call it a fox’s wedding.
Everything seemed magical but as we grow up, we start thinking practically, and forget that there exists magic.
Kids don’t fear taking risks, they like to challenge themselves and try new things. They don’t hesitate in doing things out of the box.
This is something that we should learn from them. Because most adults feel better when they take the same road as others. They lack creativity and originality, and fear expressing themselves as they would like to.
They think so much about others and stay in a negative space in their head, and do too little to get out. Hence, they please others to like them and suffer inside.
Kids love adventures, and even climbing a tree is an adventure for them. They like playing with dirt and making castles in the sand.
They jump puddles, and feel the tender scent of the fresh shower more than any expensive cologne.
No matter if they have or do not have trekking pants, shoes, or an umbrella with them. They only think of the end goal, and the fun they’ll have in living that moment.
The other day, while going on a walk with my friend. It came to my notice that, how adults seek so much comfort, and style just to stay relevant for Insta and FB.
They only want to wear branded shoes, watches and are so much careful about not getting their shoes dirty.
So much that they don’t have time to witness the beauty of nature around, the leaves, and the wild mushrooms growing in the soggy soil.
Walk is walk, you can walk barefoot, in slippers or shoes. It’s not even an activity it is a necessity. Since early humans too walked, ran, and swim to hunt and survive.
But modern man is so much attached to his comfort, that if you enjoy walking and being close to nature. They ask, “Why don’t you buy a car and just make life much easier?”
And the same people have the stamina of an infant. And when they walk they lack the grace, and walk like a toad on the road.
Most of us have grown up with so much drama around us in families, friendship, and relationships. If you haven’t then you are one lucky person.
So when a child experiences the same, that little Zen master doesn’t speak but tries her best to avoid it. Because inside that child knows she cannot do anything about it, and continues to find happiness in the smallest things.
On the contrary, we as adults keep talking about it, and if someone offers us a shoulder, we sit on their lap and cry.
An amazing anonymous person once said, “You only lose what you cling to.” Some say its a Buddhist saying while others deny, but I am only citing it here for the meaning it conveys.
Sometimes reverse psychology works on everybody, for example, when a child falls. He looks into the eyes of his parents, and reciprocates his feeling with the expression on his guardian’s face.
If the mother shows concern and cries, the child cries. If she encourages and jokes, around telling, “My strong baby has cracked the floor!”
Though in pain, the child smiles. Because in his mind, he learns that it is normal for me to fall, and get up without crying.
Similarly, you can train your mind not to be affected by the response of others, and find your own balance. How to carry on with life, by not playing a victim and someone to pity on.
The most amazing is that as kids we thought that all the feelings and emotions, that we go through are actually being felt in the heart.
When in reality is being experienced in our brain. And this concept of feeling from the heart was coined by romantics, and we take it seriously even as adults.
High five to our innocent self who thought we experience emotions in our hearts.
“We can heal. Perhaps we can return to that same place we once stood, when we were both young and innocent.” ―
So don’t get disheartened by little things, remember nobody can ever make you feel unwanted. Because you aren’t a commodity as there are many people in this world, that are warm, accepting and understanding.
You can always reach out to them. But only when you’ll leave out the ones, that only give you a hard time. So be childlike have faith in yourself, and the universe, that keeps doing its magic for you.
Let thy spirit be high in love. Namaste