Yesterday was a great day, which was smooth as butter and the weather was surprisingly pleasant. Which can be accredited to the infamous Coronavirus Pandemic (COVID-19), which the entire world is facing the wrath of.
Since the industries have been shut down, which is one of the biggest contributors to the world’s pollution. Therefore, the weather is fine these days. And even in the peak of the summer season, it’s going down well.
Although its May but most people are doing well without fans and ACs. Ah! what a relief, May never felt so easy going.
My yesterday can be summed up into a lemon drink, which was chill and relaxing. However, the good spirit of the day didn’t last long, and it accidentally spiralled into a bad episode.
Which made me feel crushed for quite some time and I wondered, Why? (although I knew). So let me start this with one of my many thoughts, that I observed and enquired yesterday.
Initially I felt very hesitant of sharing such thoughts because they are personal. But as time have progressed, I feel much comfortable in giving words to my feelings.
Because I feel there might be other introverted, low-key people/writers like me, who feel the same.
And I am here to tell you, there’s nothing wrong with you. You are just a normal being, feeling the high’s and low’s of sharing your energy with the world.
I was doing great yesterday and was admiring the moss roses, growing in one of the terracotta pots.
The deep-tangy orange and pristine white colours were bleeding through. And I thought, how lovely will they look, when all the flowers will bloom at once.
I was feeling neutral, which to me is synonymous with being happy, as happiness is a state of mind.
Soon enough, my minding my own business went downhill, when I picked up my laptop to write something. Then started the self-sabotage, which I experience from time to time.
Since writing is such a therapeutic experience, then can how someone feel bad while writing?
The answer is simple. If you are an introverted soul, who feels not so comfortable about sharing your energy, so frequently with the world, then you know how it feels.
Without guessing, I can say that fellow introverted writers/bloggers must have felt the same, at some point. Or they often do from time to time.
I can feel you, as it can slow down your work, and can make you anxious that you aren’t doing well enough. Since you are incapable of pouring content into a cup without refilling your jug.
Since I cannot fathom the constant mind chattering, that comes along with writing. Hence, I self-interrogate myself with these questions:
These are some of the many thoughts that often come across my mind. Which makes me want to burry all the unedited articles in the draft box.
The most recurring thought that comes to me as an introverted person is that, at times, I don’t feel comfortable about writing certain things.
Though it’s not mandatory for anybody to write about stuff they don’t want to.
But at times, you feel, you have the potential to write about things you’ve personally dealt with in life. And have found success in making peace with the dark times.
You want to help others by sharing your life learnings and experiences.
But you hold back because you know, once you are finished writing it. It’ll stay in the draft box, where it’ll sleep forever. And will be lost in the flood of other drafted material, that you think is too personal to publish.
Because you are well aware of the self-sabotaging thoughts, that’ll destroy your mental peace. And overthinking about it just makes you shovel your words at the back of your mind.
Another thing that I often find myself battling with is— no matter the subject is personal or not. But the mere process of writing and sharing thoughts, makes me feel overwhelmed at times.
Wherein, I feel drained. Because when you write, you are subconsciously talking to an audience.
I can’t say for all but when I write, I feel, like I am conversing with a smart audience, that questions back. And debates with me by sharing contrasting opinions, that I have in mind.
Therefore, when I am finished working, I feel like— I already had many discussions with people. So, I break the monotony by vanishing for a couple of days and cutting every thread off.
Although, I do crave working on new topics that chime in my mind every now and then. But I don’t!
Because I know with so many thoughts in my mind. New ideas, and things I am passionate about writing, will only create a hocus-pocus of emotions and self-deprecating thoughts.
Which will hinder my work and will only make me feel bad, lost, and a complete wreck. Hence, I wait for some time. So I can feel restless and a little depressed, which fuels me to write again.
Since introverts take time to adjust in a new environment or setting. Therefore, this virtual reality is no different. Because you are subconsciously talking to people.
Similar to real life, where introverts take time to be well acquainted with the environment they are working in.
Likewise, in this virtual world, they have to struggle with a lot of thoughts before getting comfortable. As they have to give a direction to their thoughts, make networks, and communicate with the audience, they are writing for.
One may Question:
Since introverted writers are highly aware of the energy, they are sharing with others. They tap their social interactions or any other minute info, they give away in their write-ups.
Because they know as the views go up, x number of people will get to know them from their work. Like what you did today, and what are your thoughts about a particular topic.
At times, one could feel, should I write this or not, it could be too personal? Or it could be behind the shared boundary, that I usually keep between me and others.
But all of this boils down to one thing, that we need to replenish ourselves in order to enjoy the process of writing.
Certain triggers can make me feel worse, unwanted, lost, dejected and a loser at times. You need to fix this because over time it becomes a part of your personality.
Don’t let the way you feel come in between your work. Because introversion has its benefits. You are a ball of emotions that cannot run from ideas to work on.
I usually take the plug off when needed. It is when I engage in other activities and de-clutter my mind. However, sometimes I do enjoy wasting my time doing nothing, which has its own merits.
As it Makes me Realise:
Because without toiling and engaging ourselves in healthy activities, we’ll have so much time to damage our minds with negative thinking.
The Pro’s of Writing:
So be as you are, and don’t ever try to be someone who you aren’t. Not even when you are writing. Hence, I wrote this for people who feel like me, hope it helps. And keep writing to have that dopamine rush.
Let thy spirit be high in love. Namaste